


If What You Say Is True

by DontBeJelly



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, F/F, Implied Character Death, Pre-Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, alex has a lot of issues to work through, all the alex whump, along with maggie and lucy working on their own issues, canon timeline switched around a bit, the happy ending is very far away for these three
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-02-15 09:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13028289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontBeJelly/pseuds/DontBeJelly
Summary: What if Alex took one look at James' Guardian get-up and decided she could do better? What if Alex and Maggie actually worked at being friends first? What if Alex finally downward spiraled to the point of bleeding out behind a dumpster because what else is she good for but killing?





	1. Time-Bomb Ticking Away

**Author's Note:**

> The White Martian incident at the DEO is taking place earlier in canon for this story. I'm putting it after Alex kisses Maggie and gets rejected, but before Alex yells at Maggie in the parking garage.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" M'gann's voice was soft, gentle, and everything Alex didn't feel.

Pushing a hand through her hair, Alex took a deep breath and tried to clear her lungs of the stench of whatever the webbing that had held her was. She didn't know what M'gann wanted her to say. 'Fine' was the last thing she was feeling. But the middle of a Situation wasn't the time for any real truths. "The lack of voices in my head is a comfort."

"I'm so sorry, Alex."

She looked up at M'gann and glared. "Not your fault." It was Alex’s own fault for relaxing when she entered the building. For thinking she was safe.

"They wouldn't have done this to you if not for my being here."

"You don't get blamed for the actions of other sentient beings." Alex pushed herself up and held her hands out, both to steady herself and to keep M'gann from touching her. "Unless you want me to blame you for what Roulette did to J'onn and for how drunk Kara got the other night?"

"Would you blame me for being amused by the idea of Kara floating along the ceiling like a loose balloon?" M'gann was almost successful at hiding her grin.

This time, Alex's glare was mocking. It wasn't helped by wanting to snicker at the mental image. But then M'gann motioned up the hall. Alex took another deep breath and focused on the mission. Save her sister, save the building and everyone locked inside, and maybe, just maybe, she could get some migraine pills before dealing with Kara. As much as Kara meant what she said, Alex needed to assure her that the White Martian hadn't exactly been lying.

Alex wasn't going to abandon Kara anytime soon. After all, who was she when she wasn't protecting or helping her sister?

_Focus, Danvers._

Alex led the way to the reactor core, M'gann on her heels. Alex made a mental note to ask her about any possible side effects of being psychically linked to a White Martian. A headache was one thing, but she didn't need any kind of lingering genocidal rage. She was already a professional killer. There was no need to feed that particular part of her psyche.

When they heard the roar of a White Martian, Alex and M'gann broke into a run. They were about to round the last corner when Alex's knees locked up and she stumbled. M'gann caught Alex and helped her lean against a wall. Pain pounded behind her eyes, and Alex couldn't stop the flinch when M'gann touched her temple.

"There's a small block in your mind preventing you from attacking them. It should wear off soon."

Alex grit her teeth. "But will it in time?"

"Do not hurt yourself trying to break through it, Alex." M'gann stood and left.

Alex thumped her head back against the wall a little harder than she should've. The dizzy, lightheaded feeling overrode the pain for a few moments. She couldn't just sit there and let the White Martians win. Not against her sister or M'gann, and not against her. She had already been used against her friends, she wasn't going to let the bastards get away with it.

Getting to her feet was easy. Wrapping her hand around her gun made her whole arm shake. Alex squeezed her eyes shut and breathed in slow and steady. She was pretty sure the human brain wasn't supposed to feel like it was being squeezed in a vice. Once free from the holster, her finger didn't touch the trigger. Not until she was ready to shoot. Not until she was sure the bullet would go into the assholes and not herself or anyone she cared about. When she opened her eyes, the world tilted. Alex focused on one spot in front of her until she could level everything out.

The sounds of the fight were muffled due to the blood pounding in her ears. Or, at least, she was blaming it on her racing heart rate and not the stabbing pain between her temples. One step, then another. Her stomach roiled. All she wanted to do was sit down and close her eyes. Go back to sleep. It would be so much easier if she just passed out again...

The pain suddenly vanished.

She rounded the corner in time to see M'gann help J'onn off the floor. Alex felt relief at the sight of two White Martians on the floor.

The base of her skull started to throb, and the White Martian behind J'onn leaped to his feet. Alex was moving before she was thinking. Instinct and training took over. The bullet was in the Martian's head before he could render her useless or hurt J'onn. With a sigh, Alex felt the tension between her shoulders ease as her migraine faded to a dull ache. She holstered her gun but didn't dare close her eyes. The urge to pass out was even stronger than before.

"I told you not to fight it," M'gann said, quiet but firm. "Though, I am impressed you succeeded."

Alex shrugged. "He's got nothing on a city-wide mind-controlling energy wave."

"Nonetheless," J'onn said, "get to medical." He looked back at Winn. "Both of you."

Kara put one arm around Winn and another around Alex, telling J'onn she'd see them there herself. She started singing whenever they tried to tell her they were fine. Alex leaned against the wall of the elevator, but still refused to close her eyes. The arm she had used to shoot with was shaking with exhaustion. Everything about five feet out was blurry. She was going to be so pissed if someone decided she needed to spend the night under observation.

Thankfully, Winn and Kara were quiet, and Alex didn't need to keep track of any kind of conversation. After a quick scan of her head and a check on her vitals, J'onn did his own sweep of her and Winn and declared them safe enough to go home. Alex knew Winn probably had no control over his thoughts, but Alex was good at keeping her surface thoughts mind-reader safe. She merely thought about how she was going to continue the night's conversations with Kara. It was something not out of the ordinary, and also she didn't mind J'onn knowing.

For all the White Martian had been wrong in his actions, his words had been relatively accurate to what Alex would’ve actually said to Kara. Alex had come to the DEO to make sure Kara really was okay with Alex spending time with Lucy instead of doing Earth Birthday with Kara. Though, the idea that Alex would abandon Kara just because Alex had a social life like she hadn’t had since high school was...a little much, even for Kara. If, after all this time, Kara thought Alex would just stop spending time with her than Kara didn’t have all that much faith in Alex’s loyalty and their bond as sisters. Which wasn’t going to be a fun conversation, and after tonight, Alex was probably going to put it off for another day. One heart to heart a day was Alex’s limit.

Alex rolled her eyes when Lucy immediately called her the moment the lockdown was lifted. She waved at the others as she headed for the elevator. “You do realize you’re getting the official version of tonight in the morning, right?”

“Yes, but I want your version of it. Much more entertaining.”

“Well, a couple of White Martians after M’gann showed up, impersonated me and Winn, and tried to kill M’gann and blow up the building.”

“...What?!”

“Eloquent as ever, Lane.” She got into the elevator and hit the button for the basement parking, praying no one else got into the same car as her. Her paranoia was running full tilt and Lucy was lucky Alex had picked up the phone instead of insisting on a face to face conversation.

“Can it, Danvers. Are you okay?”

“You mean besides being plastered to the wall by some weird Martian goop and having the image of me being used to fight my sister? Peachy, side of keen.” She closed her eyes, wishing the painkillers would kick in faster. The ride down was making her just dizzy enough to think about taking the stairs. At least then she could sit and take a moment to breathe.

“Are you stuck in medical for the night?” Lucy almost sounded worried. But, she also knew what a cooped up Alex Danvers was like.

Alex scoffed. “Frasier knows better. I’d apologize for missing the concert, but…”

“As if either of us would’ve stuck around after we got the lockdown notification. You need anything?”

“Besides a drink or three? I’m good. I’m gonna go get some kind of dessert or pastry for Kara, make sure we’re good.”

“Tell you what. First and last rounds are on me the next time we go out. Literally, too, if you’re-”

Alex rolled her eyes and immediately regretted the move. “That’s unhygienic, Lane, even if we did use the high proof stuff.”

“You’re no fun, Danvers.”

 _Well, considering the last time I tried to have fun, I was accused of trying to angle a date_ … “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I need to drive.” Even if a headset in her helmet, Alex wasn’t going to risk being on the phone with Lucy of all people.

“Should you be driving?” Lucy’s voice was suddenly serious, sounding more like a superior than a friend.

“Do you think either Kara or J’onn would let me if I weren't?”

“True. Just...Be careful, Alex.”

“I will pull over and call you if I can’t make it home, I promise.” The only reason Alex even bothered to tack on that last bit was that she didn’t actually want to die. Playing ding dong ditch with the scythe-wielding asshole was much more fun.

Alex hung up and stuffed her phone into her pocket before grabbing her helmet. It took her a moment to catch her breath once her helmet was on. She wasn’t cut off from the world, she wasn’t trapped. It was just a helmet. Not wearing one would actually get her killed. Death wasn’t an option, even if it would mean she would never have to care about anyone or anything again.

After tapping on the radio to keep her connected to the outside world, Alex headed for the one twenty four hour bakery in town. While the place mainly catered to the pothead crowd, Alex wasn’t the only sober person to frequent the shop late at night. Sometimes chocolate and vodka were delicious one right after the other. She picked the first cupcake she saw, paid extra to have a ‘K’ iced onto it, and carefully tucked the box into her small saddlebags. The rest of the ride passed a lot better and quicker now that she knew she could handle having her helmet on. When she got to Kara’s building, she looked up and made sure the lights were on. She wasn’t at all surprised Kara had beat her, even if Alex had left first.

She dumped the box in a lobby trash can while she waited for the elevator. The candle wasn’t lit until she was at Kara’s door just to be sure it didn’t go out. The flame flickered as the door opened after she knocked. “Happy Earth birthday.” And, honestly, why Kara wanted to celebrate the day she crash landed on an alien planet and was left with complete strangers, instead of calculating her actual birthday, was a mystery.

Kara was almost shy, and so unlike her eager to consume, attention loving sister that Alex knew more was wrong than just their conversation about abandonment. Alex pointed out the ‘K’ and got a little laugh out her. Once the candle was blown out, Alex handed over the cupcake.

“So was Lucy mad that you missed the concert?”

“Given she got the lockdown notification and was probably planning a raid to get to us, she’s letting me off the hook this time.”

“Yeah, I’m glad everyone is okay. That last White Martian…. First of all, boy did it do a good impression of you, and second, you got there just in time.”

Alex figured if she had the conversation now, she could go straight home and not have to worry about having it later. “Uh, speaking of that White Martian, um… When it was me, did you have a conversation? Because I have these memories. They’re like a… Almost like a dream, that we talked. But I’m not really sure if that was real.” Reading the look on Kara’s face answered everything she wanted to ask. It also looked like Kara didn’t want to be having the conversation, either. “Do you remember?” Alex saw Kara barely nod at her. “Yeah. So, I’m not crazy.”

“Nope. I guess if the White Martian’s bond is strong enough, the telepathy goes both ways.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” There was no guessing on Alex’s part, but Kara would only worry if that was brought up. “Kara. I’m not ever going anywhere. I promise. Just because I’m spending time with other people, doesn’t mean I won’t spend time with you.”

“I know,” Kara murmured. “I guess I made those big plans because I wanted the day to be extra special. I felt you slipping away.”

“I’m not. Ever.” Alex wanted to rage at Kara, though. Wanted to tell her sister how much she had already slipped away, how they had never really been all that close. Alex was sure Kara had no idea of half the things Alex had spinning through her brain. Just the same, Alex only knew what Kara wanted to talk about. How much of their lives were spent keeping silent every problem they had, especially with each other?

Months had passed, almost a year, but Alex still remembered everything Kara had said under the influence of Red Kryptonite.

But tonight wasn’t the night. There would never be a night. Not one that Alex could ever hope to see coming, anyway. They would just find the most crucial, least appropriate moment to blow up at each other. The raw, unfiltered truths were always easier and quicker to deal with. The calm times like this were never taken as the opportunities they were.

“But is that the only reason you made such big plans?” There was something else bugging Kara, and since it didn’t have to deal with Alex herself, she was far more willing to deal with it even if she didn’t want to care. Kara’s problems tended to balloon into threats that ended up shooting Alex more often than not.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked around a mouthful of cupcake.

“Look, sometimes, you know, in our life, when one part is really confusing, we will pour way more attention than necessary into another. And, you know, you looked a bit overwhelmed when you talked to Mon-El.” Alex watched Kara try to fight small frown on her face. “So, maybe the reason that you made such big plans with me was so you didn’t have to think about how you actually feel about him.”

Alex listened to her sister, listened and responded even if she didn’t really care. Kara had been so quick to drop James, and for no apparent reason. It was around then she and Lucy had become actual friends. Lucy was mad on James’ behalf, and Alex hadn’t been in the mood to defend Kara’s poor romantic decisions when Lucy had shown up with a bottle of tequila and need to rant. Lucy and James were fine with friendship, they had no desire to get back together, but they were friends, and they had each other’s backs. Since Lucy really didn’t want to demand answers when it was none of her business what her ex did with another woman, she had come to Alex to vent. Lucy had been honestly surprised Alex hadn’t kicked her out for shit talking Kara. The truth was, Alex didn’t really care at the time, either, but Lucy had brought the good tequila and it was nice to listen to someone who didn’t think the sun shone out of Kara’s ass for a change.

Finally, Alex could escape Kara’s place without seeming rude. As much as she wanted to speed back to her own apartment, she knew the risk wasn’t worth it. She would be better off listening to music at ear-blistering levels and seeing how much of a fifth it took to pass out.

 _Another rocket launcher going off inside my mind_  
_Tight cuffs only hold me tight_  
_Every thought about the future leaves me terrified_  
_I'm sick of the same old lies_  
_Why don't you talk about your feelings? Who gives a shit about mine?_  
_Death grips got a hold of my side_

It amused Alex to no end that Kara thought punk rock was just a phase. It made her bitter at the same time because it also meant Kara hadn’t listened to any of Alex’s music recently due to them always listening to Kara’s poppy stuff. Alex knew her music wasn't meant for everyone. She just wished her sister understood that concept as well.

Once the apartment door was closed and locked behind her, Alex dropped her jacket and bag with a sigh of relief. She went straight for her freezer and tugged out the bottle hidden behind the bags of frozen veggies. The cap was barely off before she took a swig. As cold as it was, it still burned on the way down. Closing the freezer door, Alex turned and slid down the fridge until she was on the floor.

The DEO was the opposite of safe, but Alex hadn’t thought she could be attacked once on site. Not without warning, not so suddenly and without her having a fighting chance. She knew better than to believe she couldn’t be used against the people around her. But to have an alien prying around her mind, using her knowledge to manipulate those around her… As much as she hated herself for thinking it, but this was the entire reason General Lane had wanted to be rid of J’onn. The threat a telepath posed, even one with scruples and a code of honor, was still a threat. Not that she was any better herself, but she wasn’t really all that superior to other humans. Most anyone who trained hard enough could do her job. She just...took it more seriously than other agents.

Her hand tightened on the bottle. She drank from it instead of throwing it. She took her job so seriously, she was put in charge after two and half years. No one else had invested as much as she did. And no one gave two shits about the fact she’d been mentally violated. Not her sister, not her boss, no one. She was just sent on her way.

Alex took three very long gulps and thought about the pain in her throat and the echoes in her head. The White Martian had so many horrible plans for Kara. There were even whispers of what would happen to Lucy and Maggie. Not because the Martian gave a damn about them, but he liked the idea of Alex screaming, of feeling life drain away in his hands. He had wanted to show Alex just what it felt like to strangle the last breath out of those she cared about.

Alex looked at the almost empty bottle and pouted. She stood, watched the world spin, and stumbled to her bed. Past experience told her sleeping in the kitchen was uncomfortable. Beds, however, made the hangover a little more tolerable. She passed out without a problem. She didn't even have more than a moment to hope she woke up alone in her head.


	2. Chapter 2

The only reason Alex got in the squad car was because she didn't need Sawyer shooting James. Or Winn, if he was idiot enough to put himself between James and a gun. The only reason she put her seatbelt on was because the car didn't stop beeping until she did so. The only reason she could even handle the same breathing space as Sawyer was due to the shot of tequila she had taken in her office. She had made sure to chug some water and throw back some M&Ms to hide the smell of it on her breath. The truth was, a single shot wasn't enough for Alex to really feel anything, but it was enough to give her the illusion of warm, relaxed muscles. 

But it was only an illusion, and Alex was coiled and ready to take down whoever was giving James a bad name. Not because she actually gave two shits about James' little bout of vigilantism. If he wanted to be National City’s version of Batman, he could go ahead and get knocked around. She just didn't want him to get either shot, arrested, or otherwise harmed to the point Kara would finally notice. Alex did not have it in her to deal with more of her sister's hurt feelings. 

If Kara actually took a look around her instead of being so focused on her own little world… not that Alex was any better, really, but at least Alex could fake it. At least Alex curated a persona that kept people from thinking they were welcomed to gush their feelings at her.

Sawyer only spoke to tell her she had heard from an alien contact. He’d been squatting at the warehouse they were heading for when a dude in armor came in and tied up some human. Alex knew James was likely to show up and challenge the imposter for the Guardian title.

Alex was relieved they got there just in time to watch the end of the fight. She wasn't in the mood to convince Sawyer to shoot only the one asshole and not both of them. Though, there was that moment when Alex wasn’t entirely sure Sawyer would let James go. Alex knew enough about Sawyer’s sense of justice to know she might not agree with any vigilante. 

“Those sirens are getting louder.” Alex couldn’t, wouldn’t stop more than Sawyer from going after James.

Sawyer holstered her sidearm. “Well, he better get out of here while he can.”

James retreated, grabbing an honest to God shield. Alex took a moment to mentally roll her eyes at the wanna-be knight in shining armor complex he was rocking. Yes, protection was necessary, but there were so many other ways to go about it and actually being streamlined… Alex shunted the thoughts away and went to help with the unfortunate dude tied to a barrel. 

It wasn’t long before J’onn was calling her back to the DEO because Kara and Mon-El had been in Cadmus custody. And this, this was actually important. This was something Alex actually gave two shits about because as much as her sister was a pain in the ass, Alex would like Kara to be a living pain in the ass. Also, Cadmus made Alex’s job a lot harder than was necessary.

“I had no idea Cadmus took you,” Alex said as she reached Kara’s side in the med bay. “I should’ve been there-”

“Alex! Jeremiah helped us escape.”

Alex felt both elation and dread and the need to wrap her hands around a bottle of the not quite legally imported Russian vodka under her sink. “You saw Dad?” 

Her father was alive. 

Her father was likely much changed after the last very long, isolated, likely harsh years with Cadmus. But if he HELPED Kara, if her sister is free because of him…

“And I know where he is.”

J’onn had already gotten her team prepped and ready. He knew better than to think Alex wouldn’t be going to the site that not only held her sister but also had the potential to have her father. Alex allowed the concession of Evans being point man. She recognized her own conflict of interest. She knew her control was tenuous when it came to people in which she actually invested some kind of effort. 

Except they made it too far into the building unchallenged for too long. Except the air felt empty, and Alex had a honed sense of spatial awareness. She wasn’t surprised to find the place deserted. She wasn’t surprised her father wasn’t waiting, either in a pool of his own blood due to betraying Cadmus or having escaped while the organization fled. Nothing in her life was that easy.

But, it wasn’t like someone like her deserved anything simple or fair or positive. Someone who lied, killed, and destroyed had no right to ask for anything except maybe for the sweet oblivion that was intoxication. It was a brief freedom of thought that she paid for with a headache and tortured liver. 

The night’s bottle was going to have to wait, unfortunately for Alex’s sanity. She had to go look after Kara, had to be a sister to someone who had put her father into the situation he was in, had to be every respectable thing expected of her. There was no one asking her how she felt about being so very close to having her dad back. There was no one checking on her emotions or looking after her. All there was, was pretending she wasn’t second-guessing herself, pretending she believed her father was alive, pretending like she wasn’t pissed to hell and back with James. 

If James hadn’t been doing his stupid shit, she would’ve been at the DEO. She would’ve been paying attention to the fact both Mon-El and Kara had gone missing. She might’ve been there to raid Cadmus sooner, to get to her father. If she hadn’t done the idiotic thing and kissed Sawyer, she wouldn’t have been blowing up at her, would’ve been doing her job instead of dealing with misplaced, useless emotions.

Alex really had to let her paranoia control her actions. She should’ve asked Kara to check the door. Instead, Alex got to see Sawyer with her soft hair down and in softer street clothes. Alex’s heart raced even as her stomach dropped. “Hey. What are you doing here?” She closed the door as she stepped out into the hall. Whatever Sawyer had to say, the others didn’t need to see how Alex reacted.

“I really need to talk to you. And if you just give me two minutes of your time, I promise to be out of your hair.”

Alex wanted to say no. She wanted Sawyer to go away and stay away. She wanted to forget everything personal that had to do with her. But Kara was likely eavesdropping, and Alex didn’t need to be scolded by someone who didn’t even know who they wanted to date. “Two minutes.”

And, shit, did Maggie hear herself? Not caring about a lot of people? Unable to imagine life without Alex in it? That wasn’t shit someone spouted to a friend. Alex had maybe two of those in her life, but even she knew Maggie’s words weren’t platonic. There was a furious, hotly seething part of her that wanted to toss those words back, that wanted to deny Maggie everything that was denied her. Why should Maggie get what she wanted? Why should Alex be happy with the scraps of friendship? 

Alex was so tired of shoving down her true feelings, was exhausted when it came to being kind to people. She longed for the days before Kara decided to put her powers to a more public use. No one at the DEO even suspected Alex was anything but a raging workaholic. The only times Alex really had to portray emotions were Sister Nights. All anyone expected of her was a job well done. And a job well done involved shooting something either to kill or maim just enough to take into custody.

Except Sawyer was her in with the non-violent alien community. Sawyer was a connection within the NCPD that the DEO could use. Sawyer wasn’t just a bunch of pointless emotions, she was an asset to Alex’s work. So, if Alex had to fake a few smiles and buy a few beers, well, she had done harder in the name of protecting the city. “Pool. Tomorrow night.”

Kara, of course, couldn’t mind her own business to save a life. “How was that?”

“Spy much?” She didn’t expect anything less from Kara, really. “It was good. We’re just gonna be friends.” At least, that’s what she would let Sawyer think. Alex had no intention of cultivating any kind of real friendship. Her life was hard enough faking it for the handful of people she already had to deal with; adding someone who actually made her feel things? There was no way Alex was letting that happen. Pool was going to be the only concession she was going to make, just to lull Sawyer into thinking everything was fine.

“We’re gonna find Jeremiah, Alex. I swear.”

She swallowed down the rage and the agony. Thinking he was dead was so much simpler than knowing he was alive. “But he seemed...He seemed okay?”

“He saved me. And he was still...Him.” God, Kara’s naivety was going to get them all killed. It was entirely possible Jeremiah was playing as much a part as Alex was most days.

The bile in her throat made her change the subject. “I still can’t believe Lena’s mother is the head of Cadmus.” It was easier to talk about people she didn’t have to care about. It was easier to distract Kara, easier to use food and house guests to focus Kara away from her. 

Given how exhausted everyone was from the day’s activities, it wasn’t more than an hour before Alex could escape. No one questioned her excuses, and Kara promised they could start the search for Jeremiah in the morning. Alex nodded and swallowed back the urge to throw up the pizza slice she had managed to claim for herself. Once on her bike, she found herself heading left instead of right. She wanted, needed to go home. Her apartment had her paint stripper vodka and her bed and no one else. But if there was one person who could understand her level of nauseous rage, it was Lucy Lane. 

Alex even stopped to get the cream cheese wontons Lucy liked so much. It was the least she could do, given the hell she was about to put Lucy through. Once at the apartment, Alex hoped Lucy had started drinking for the night because, God, did Alex need alcohol. She would even spend the night on Lucy’s overstuffed couch if it meant she could get wasted sooner rather than later.

Fortunately for Alex, Lucy answered the door with a beer bottle in hand. Alex had no qualms about snagging it as she was let in, handing over the box of wontons. Lucy chuckled as Alex chugged the remaining half of the bottle.

“If you have any more than that,” Lucy said as she headed for the fridge, “you aren’t driving home.”

Alex tossed her keys over. “Your ex has a knight in shining armor complex.”

Lucy snorted and popped the lids off two bottles. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“He’s Guardian.” Alex watched the bottle opener fall out of her hand and clatter to the counter. That was the reaction she was hoping to get.

“What?!” Lucy whirled around, beer forgotten. “You’re shiting me.”

Alex weaved around her to get to the alcohol. “Not even a little. Winn went and built him that damn suit with DEO resources if you feel like using that against them.”

“Stop drinking that, this needs more than beer.” Lucy tugged her blender away from the wall, and Alex did a silent mental cheer. “Remind me to suggest even non-field agents need hand to hand training. I’ll sic Vasquez on Winn, he won’t expect an attack from that angle.”

Alex decided not even weak beer was worth wasting, and took a long sip while Lucy dug out the necessities for margaritas. “Kara doesn’t know, J’onn probably does because, well, it’s Winn.”

Lucy shook her head, then frowned. “Wait. What’s the point if James hasn’t told her? We both know he’s doing it for her attention, not because he actually thinks it’s a great idea.”

Alex waited for the blender, taking a few more swigs and feeling the beer settle in her stomach. The taste alone was enough to relax her, knowing she was on her way to being unable to think. She knew, without a doubt, this was a horrible coping mechanism. It had failed her once. It would fail her again. The consequences were likely to be a lot worse. 

She started on Lucy’s abandoned beer. Too bad she didn’t actually give a shit. Field agents like her didn’t get to retire. The lucky ones were killed in action. The unlucky ones...ended up like her father, missing and presumed dead, with no body to lay to rest.

Once the blender was silent, Alex shrugged. “He’s probably going for the mysteriousness to keep her curious. Go for some big reveal, try to outdo Mon-El.”

“That’s your third beer, don’t think I haven’t noticed. So you’re telling me, but not your sister?”

“If she were actually paying attention to the people around her, she would notice both Winn and James are getting beaten up on a nightly basis.” Alex dumped the first two bottles in the recycling bin. “And, yeah, I’ll sleep on the couch, whatever.”

Lucy pushed the salt-rimmed glass over. “And she would notice other things besides that?”

Alex took the glass and headed for the couch. “It’s not in her nature to be observant.” She pointedly didn’t thump the bottle or glass on the coffee table. “I’m here to bitch about James.”

“And not about the fact that his antics were made Detective Sawyer’s problem? Who you probably had to deal with today since he hasn’t been arrested?”

“Not with a ten-foot pool, Lane.” She killed the beer. The last thing she wanted to get started on was any kind of talk, discussion, or rant about Maggie “can’t imagine my life without you in it” Sawyer.

Lucy sat down next to her. “Noted. Do you want to confirm if J’onn knows, or shall I give him a headache?”

“I’ll do it. Gonna have to talk to him about other things, tomorrow, anyway.”

“Which I was also updated on if you want to talk about that. Ever, if not now.”

Alex replied by taking a long sip of the drink that was definitely more tequila than anything else. She eyed it, then looked at Lucy. “I’m not driving, sure, but I still need to show up tomorrow.”

“Three beers in five minutes. That’s the sign of someone who no longer wants to think. I’ll make sure you get some water before you pass out.”

“You are the best.” She took another gulp and let the tension between her shoulders ease.

“I’ll remind you of this conversation when your birthday comes around.”

“Will you remember anything after finishing your drink?”

Lucy winked. “Yours is a lot stronger than mine.”

Alex feigned shook. “Director Lane, you’re not trying to take advantage of me, are you?”

“Agent Danvers.” Lucy leaned in, smirk sharp and maybe not entirely joking. “When I “take advantage” of you, it will be due to you being on your knees and begging for me to give you what you’ve been waiting for.”

Alex felt the last bit of her sober mind stutter. Fortunately, her drunk mind came out swinging. “On my knees to bring me down to your height, I assume?”

“Put that drink down so I can hit you properly,” she ordered, throw pillow in hand.

Alex pointedly kept the glass pressed to her lips and drank slowly. Being hit with a pillow wouldn’t be that bad. Letting her mouth continue digging herself deeper...that would be something Lucy would actually run with and push. Alex really didn’t feel like getting into a flirting contest with Lucy after the day’s confrontations with Sawyer. All she wanted was the numb feeling tingling her limbs to reach her head so she could pass out and forget the day.


	3. No Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks goes to jaguarspot and lurkz for letting me bounce ideas off them and for beta-ing

Alex liked her new drinking game: Take a swig anytime the news mentioned Guardian. It was a quick way to go through beer. While she would preferably be using the hard stuff, she also needed to be a tad bit in control of her mind. She was, after all, in public, with Maggie, and intending on driving herself home.

James was stupid. He had zero combat skills or training. He was waging a misguided vigilante war that was going to get him and Winn killed. But that was their choice. They knew what was out on the streets of National City. He really should leave it to the NCPD and DEO, though. Law enforcement existed because society didn't work if everyone took a spiked bat to their problems.

Speaking of law enforcement, Maggie was giving Alex a bemused look. “You know I was ready to arrest him, right?”

Alex shook her head. “You got to arrest the man who was killing. I’ll help you arrest the actual idiot if it comes to that.” Being around Maggie was less painful if they stuck to shop talk.

“If you know who’s doing it, why not tell them to knock it off?”

“Because then he’ll find a new and less controllable way to get Supergirl’s attention.” Alex frowned. “I don’t think I should’ve told you that.” She looked at the beer and pushed it away.

“Wait. Instead of bringing the girl flowers, he’s leaving criminals on her doorstep?”

Alex snorted at the mental image of James playing ding dong ditch with burglars and gang members at Kara’s apartment. “She’s a cat person, far as I can tell.”

“I agree with you, the guy is dumb. But,” she narrowed her eyes at Alex, “and if you tell anyone this, I will….find a way to embarrass you just as much. But. Maybe. Just maybe. He has been kind of helpful.”

Alex felt her eyes bug out. “How in the world has he been helpful?”

Maggie moved around the pool table and took her shot. It wasn’t bad, given how she tended to miss. “He keeps people at the scene. Sometimes we have the evidence of a crime, but no suspect or lead to a suspect.”

The wheels in Alex’s head started to turn, but the idea wasn’t formed just yet. “I guess you have a point. And I promise I won’t say anything. Do you get a lot of those with alien crimes?”

Maggie shrugged. “Probably no more or less than human crimes. But it really doesn’t help when an alien doesn’t leave fingerprints or has an equipment melting mucus membrane.”

“Are there others like Roulette who got away?” Alex lined up her shot as Maggie started to rant about the one asshole who got away on a technicality the Science Division never encountered before and therefore had no defense against.

The idea in the back of Alex’s mind percolated for the rest of the night. Alex contributed a few stories here and there, but the DEO operated on a level that didn’t require as much rule-following as Maggie’s job. They called it a night after one more game. Alex headed back to her apartment and connected her phone to her speakers the moment she was within reach.

 _You don't know a thing about it_  
_Hours lost to dawn from dusk_  
_Yeah, they don't care about you (No future)_  
_Let the music seal your fate_  
_Yeah, you can run but life won't wait  
_ _Yeah, they don't care about you (No future)_

She dug out a notebook and wrote down the names of those mentioned by Maggie, along with their suspected crimes. Then came the more batshit idea.

There were areas local law enforcement couldn’t reach. The alien fight club was a good example. Hell, that hadn’t been on the DEO’s radar, either. So while James was an idiot, he was on to something. The DEO wasn’t going to concern itself with street-level crimes anytime soon. It would require a new level of training.

Alex frowned and made a note about future DEO and NCPD joint training when the DEO was able to focus on the more...mundane things. Lucy would likely need something to do once the remaining Fort Rozz escapees were caught. Which was another list she needed to check out and maybe add to Maggie’s of those who got away.

A few empty pages were skipped and Alex started on the next part of the idea that would get her killed. Kevlar’s strength came from a combination of its molecular structure and thickness. The more layers, the better the stopping power. Hence James’ armor. Alex wanted mobility over intimidation. She didn't want to be defined, didn't want some kinda stupid moniker given to her by Cat Grant. Kara’s suit was more Alex’s style. But that material wasn't bulletproof, that was all her sister's skin.

Alex wasn't going to get away from a fight unscathed with only a few layers of protection. She needed something flexible and reliable. She had no clear idea what, precisely, she would be doing out on the streets of National City, only that it shouldn't be done in jeans and a sweater. More than a few aliens were naturally armored. The trick was finding an armor that was applicable outside the alien’s core biology.

Her head snapped up as a police siren sped past her apartment. She frowned at herself when her thoughts instantly reminded her spiking heart rate that Maggie was off the clock. She had gotten through the night without being too bitter about Maggie. She didn’t want to start thinking the depressing could-have-been now.

Being out there like James, doing something instead of just pickling her liver...oh, who was she kidding. She would totally come back from kicking ass to drink until she passed out. It would be maybe less drinking since she would be a bit more exhausted.

She just…. didn't want to be home with her thoughts. She sure as hell didn't want to be around Kara, and drinking with Lucy would end up being a problem more than any kind of solution. Alex was pretty sure Lucy didn't have nearly as much of a drinking problem, and she didn't want to be regularly bothering her nearest approximation to a friend. Besides, they all had lives. She had to find some way to keep herself entertained when she alone.

There was a part of her mind that suggested getting counseling for her alcoholism and half-baked death wish. But that was quitter talk. She still got to work on time, did her job without inebriation, never went for joy rides unless she was sober. If no one else noticed an issue, then it wasn't a problem.

Alex resigned herself to synthesizing alien snot and spraying it on a sheet of Kevlar fibers. At least no one would question why she was creating body armor in an agency that faced deadly projectiles, claws, and teeth. It was still going to leave a stench in her lab.


	4. Reinventing The Wheel To Run Myself Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to the trio of betas :D  
> I stole the census data from wikipedia for L.A. Figured it'd be close enough XD

****Alex had done the math; for every 400 official residents of National City, there was one police officer. That number didn't take into account those uncounted by official census. There were likely 500 people per officer. Which, considering the crime rate, was just a tad bit horrifying. It was no wonder the NCPD didn't make a fuss about James until people started turning up dead. **  
**

After a week of experiments and testing, Alex had decent new body armor. She had even “field tested” it at the alien bar with Maggie, asking aliens to hit her. They were more than happy to knock around a DEO agent.

Maggie called her crazy. “But I’ll owe you a beer for every successful test. On one condition.”

“I don't throw up after all that beer?”

“How about I owe you those beers over the next few weeks so you can remember the results of this test?”

Alex had no problem with free beer in the future. “Deal. What's the condition?”

“This armor trickles down to the Science Division. Maybe then you won't have to patch me up again.”

“But you don't whine like some agents when I dump disinfectant on a wound.”

“So you're not trying to get me shirtless?”

Alex rolled her eyes and used the same tactics she employed with Lucy. “I'm not into blood and doctor roleplay.”

“Fair enough.”

J’onn had been pleased with her initiative, Lucy had bought her drinks to celebrate, and field agents were thanking her for looking out for them. It actually felt kind of nice. She now had about a month of free beer from Maggie, who complained about working overtime to pay for all of it.

Alex made a note to send the report and a vest to Maggie for her department. Sharing the knowledge would save lives, and J’onn wouldn't argue against that. The NCPD might be hard pressed to make enough for everyone, but at least they would have a start.

Alex spent a few hours on Friday sparring with Kara to make sure she could move adequately in the new armor. It was flexible enough while providing protection against a half powered Kryptonian. Alex was almost shaking with anticipation when she snuck her experimental set of armor home. Bending the rules in such a way wasn't something she'd done in a while. Alex was essentially stealing government property. No one was going to notice her prototype was missing; they’d assume she had it in her lab.

Alex paced around the kitchen table, eyes on the armor. Once she did this, there was no turning back. She knew once she started she wouldn’t stop. There was always going to be someone out there that neither the DEO nor the NCPD could stop. She was going to keep pushing her limits, to see just how far she could go before her body gave up.

Alex mentally shoved away the quiet whisper of hoping her body would give up. 

But if she didn’t go out and at least see if she could do this, Alex would always wonder if she could do better than James, if she could make more of a difference.

The first step, however, was making sure she wasn’t going to be so easily found or identified. She went to her bed and tugged the Walmart bag out from under it. The phone was plain and simple, barely smart enough to connect to wi-fi and the cheap Bluetooth earpiece she had gotten for it. She put her real phone on the bedside table to charge and set it to forward everything to the new spare phone. Once the Bluetooth was connected, she wrapped it around her ear and pulled out the new clothes from the bag. The long sleeved shirt and leggings were a tight fit but still maneuverable. The thin armor went on next, and she tugged on looser jeans and hoodie over that. The gauntlets came with fist guards she could click into place so punching wouldn’t break her fingers.

The next part of her disguise was the makeup and contacts. She popped the bright blue contacts in first. The makeup was by no means subtle, but the darker patches would keep facial recognition software from identifying her. She could not walk around even the roughest of neighborhoods with a ski-mask alone. Alex needed to hide her identity somehow, and she didn’t have any of the fancy voice masking tech James and Winn had taken. She was either going to have to keep quiet or steal something for herself.

After taking a shot of whiskey for luck, she stuffed the mask into the pouch of the hoodie and put her new phone on silent. She left every form of identification home, only taking some cash and her apartment key. Once on the street, she needed a moment to figure what, exactly, she was going to do. Going out into the night to pick fights seemed like a great idea, but she didn't exactly have all the details down.

A voice at the back of her mind that sounded like her mother was easy to ignore. Just because she didn’t have every step planned out, didn’t mean she was stupid.

First thing was going to where there were fights to pick. With a destination in mind, Alex jogged across the street and met the bus just as it pulled to a stop. She got on and nearly choked on the price for a ride. It couldn’t have been _that_  long since her last trip on a city bus. With a sigh, she settled in the back and was surprised by how much she could slouch with the armor on. It didn’t even leave any lines in her clothing.

Once in a worse neighborhood than her own, Alex hopped off the bus and slipped down the first alley she found. She tugged the ski-mask into place just above her face and tugged the hood up over it. In this particular neighborhood, a lot of the street lights were out. Some had the wires stolen out of the bases, some were knocked out and holding nothing but shattered bulbs. She hunched in on herself and stuffed her hands into her hoodie pouch. She had enough knowledge about going undercover to not look like law enforcement.

It wasn’t long before she was passing an apartment stoop covered with a few rough looking men. Two of them immediately stood in her way, blocking her progress. She straightened up and raised an eyebrow, every bone in her body portraying the extensively trained federal agent she was. The two men traded a look, apparently not expecting the attitude shift.

“Lady, you looking for a particular kind of trouble?” asked the taller of them.

Alex shrugged, not quite looking at either man. She knew there were at least two more people behind her, though they hadn’t closed in just yet. “I heard there was a gang of Icoids that haven’t learned to play nice with the locals.”

“Maybe, but what’s a little girl like you gonna do about it?” asked the shorter man, completely and utterly dismissive of her.

Alex glanced over at the leader of the group. She could tell him by the way he held himself tall, the way he was the only one at the top of the stairs, and the way everyone had been keeping a steady eye on him and his reactions to the meeting. “Are you particularly attached to this guy being intact?”

The leader smirked, and he shook his head. “Don’t break his bones, lady, he’s good for a few punches.”

Before the man could protest, Alex had him flipped over her shoulder and onto the trash heap on the curb. His buddies laughed at him even as he cursed her out. Alex looked around her and saw the other two men from behind had come out of hiding but weren’t actively attacking.

The leader waved off his troops. “Lady, Johnny here can show you where those assholes are holed up.”

Johnny was a lanky one, and Alex counted three different guns hidden on him. She made a mental note to think about weapons of her own. Being able to take out a threat from a distance would be an advantage. As much as the armor could take, getting tossed into a brick wall would still hurt. She decided to see if there was something she could steal from the Icoids.

The walk took ten minutes, and she knew Johnny was interrogating her for everything he could.

“So, what, you think you’re some kind of lady Guardian?”

Alex snorted. “I’m trying to be nowhere near as obnoxious as that wanna-be knight.”

He barked out a laugh. “Lady, that’s what’s up! I mean, I guess he’s kinda helping, but, like, where he at? Stopping jewelry thieves and trying to get on Supergirl’s good side? That’s not helping anyone but the people who can afford it, ya know?”

Alex nodded, not wanting to say more on the matter. She didn’t want to start a rant that would reveal she knew more of Guardian than the general public would.

“So, what, you some kind of Captain America supersoldier or some shit? Or, I guess with all the black, you’d be Black Widow, huh?”

Alex laughed. “Definitely not Captain America.”

“Cool, cool. And thanks for tossing Vic on his ass, ya know? He runs his mouth even more than I do, and I haven’t shut up since we started walking!”

When they got to the abandoned corner store, Johnny kept walking, changing the topic to his little sister and how she was kicking ass in a spelling bee her school was putting on. He was proud of how she had a chance at the city-wide competition, and how he had picked up a dozen new words helping her study. “Still don’t know what half of them mean, but, shit, I can say them right at least.”

Once half a block away from the store, he told her where the back entrance was and said he was gonna loop back around. After wishing her luck, he vanished into the shadows between buildings. Alex took a deep breath, pulled down the ski-mask, and did a quick recon of the building the aliens were in. She knew better than to trust a local gang for information, but everything except her face was currently bulletproof. The thin hood of the armor was redundant with the DEO helmets, but helmets were only effective against some of the aliens the agents encountered.

Alex slipped into the back of the building and silently took out the Icoid guard just inside the door. He was armed with what looked like an energy pistol, and Alex relieved him of it. The dimly lit hall was illuminated with an alien light source, one she recognized as something which could be overloaded to serve as a decent flash grenade. Alex turned it off and held soda can sized lantern close. The back storage room was empty of a threat, but there was a lot of money she could use to payback Johnny and his buddies for their help. Two Icoids were keeping an eye on the street beyond the mostly boarded up glass in the storefront. Alex quickly rendered them useless for the rest of the night.

The old shelves had been tipped and piled with plywood behind the register counter to provide a way up to the small apartment building above the shop. The hole in the ceiling wasn’t large, but she could see more light sources. She couldn’t quite hear voices, but she could see shadows moving. After turning on the lamp she stole, she tossed it up the hole and fired at it. She was quick to close her eyes even as she barreled up the ramp towards the shouts of pain. When she felt the floor even out, she opened her eyes and started to shoot at the Icoids rubbing their eyes. She learned very quickly her weapon was a stunning one when the aliens only stumbled back.

Alex fired at another lamp, clamping her eyes shut as she charged at the nearest Icoid. Her boots crunched on used needles, and she opened her eyes so she could aim her punch. The armor around her fist broke the Icoid’s nose, her momentum sending him flying. She turned and took out the next alien, then fired at the other three across the room before running at them.

The fight was almost anticlimactic. The Icoids were too drugged up to really be a threat. Alex had raided enough bolt holes of Fort Rozz escapees to know the stench of meth. By the looks of the place, this wasn’t the primary operation. There were a few intact walls, and she made sure to clear the whole floor. The drugs were destroyed, she took the other blasters, and found a bag to use for the weapons and some of the cash. Even if she didn’t have new friends in every neighborhood, being able to pay for safe passage was likely going to be important in her future.

High pitched whistles caught her attention, and she looked outside to see Johnny and the taller guard across the street. She hurried out and around the building, and they were quick to join her.

“Someone heard you going Black Widow on their asses,” Johnny said. “Don’t know if the cops will actually get here, but if you want to get out, now’s the time.”

Alex thanked them and told them about the cash in the backroom. The three of them headed back into the store, and Alex kept an eye out while they loaded up on what they could into dusty trash bags. They took a different route back to the stoop and the gang leader. Alex pulled up her mask and tucked it up under the hood, just above her face, when they came to a stop in front of the building. Johnny took the two bags of cash up to the man at the top of the stairs.

“There’s a lot more in the shop,” Johnny said, “but we didn’t wanna stick around.”

“Take the boys with you, don’t get caught.” The leader sent off the younger members of the gang off with Johnny, and they piled into a car and sped off. He tugged a deck of cards out of his jacket pocket and wrote on the card. “You go into Mountain View and Airport Heights, you bring this with you. Don’t carry it into Diamond Beach. Stay away from the docks and downtown’s warehouse district.”

She took the token and tucked it deep into her jeans pocket. “Thank you.”

“You got a name I can pass on?”

“No, and I don’t want one.”

“I hear that. You just after aliens, or am I gonna have cops roll up on me later tonight?”

Alex had been fighting with the moral dilemma the moment Johnny started to lead her to the Icoids. “You’ve been level with me, so I’ll tell you that I’m not out here for just aliens. But all I’ve seen is a bunch of guys hanging out. The moment that changes….”

He nodded once. “Understood.”

Given the success of her first run, Alex decided not to push her luck. She headed for the bus stop. After checking her phone, she was surprised that barely two hours had passed since she left her apartment. Still, she had learned a few things she needed to change before her next night out. For one, no one could see her come and go from her building dressed like she was. Two, the bus trips around the city were going to drain her bank account faster than Kara’s appetite. She also needed a safe place to store anything she confiscated.

Once home, Alex put everything in a lead-lined box under her bed. Kara had learned to respect Alex’s privacy and wouldn’t snoop there. After a shower to erase the stench of aliens, drugs, and musty abandoned building, she unpaired her phone and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. She also snagged her notebook and sat at the kitchen table. She didn’t bother to delude herself with a glass, just took a swig from the bottle and connected her phone to her speakers.

 _I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am:_  
_A failure at everything_  
_18 going on extinct_  
_I know my place_  
_It's nowhere you should roam_

She needed a base of operations and transport. Winn and James had the converted van and motorcycle. She required connections like Johnny and his gang, but she didn’t want to use and have to betray those who broke the law. She understood the need for informants, but she couldn’t trust them, either. With the cash she had taken, she could afford a bike with some storage space. There were a handful of places she could name off the top of her head that would ask no questions if she paid for a room with cash. She would keep the armor in her apartment, but she could have a few changes of clothes at her new place. Bringing the bike back to her apartment would be a risk, but she could take the bus and store the bike in the room. On a bus, she would be able to see who got on and off around her and keep an eye on the cars that followed it.

And there was no saying she couldn’t steal a car like she had the money. Taking an already stolen car into her neighborhood and then ditching it to walk back would also work.

With her thoughts in order and half the bottle gone, Alex figured she could call it a night. It was barely midnight, so she took the bottle with her to bed. If she woke up in the middle of the night, she could easily drink herself back to sleep.


	5. Up All Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the warning/tag changes  
> This is part one of the Thanksgiving episode. After hitting 6k words, it was decided to post now instead of making you all wait even longer for an update.  
> Much thanks to the usual betas!

It took less than a week for Alex to secure a motel room and motorcycle. No questions had been asked, Alex had paid with cash, and she had worn a wig as well as contacts. The ease of doing something illegal was no real surprise in a city as large as National City. There were so many nooks and hideaways that went unnoticed in the shadows. Alex was willing to take advantage of what most people ignored.

She wondered what it was like to be ignored as some of the people in the rooms around her. These people had no one relying on them, no one asking them to risk their lives, or learn new alien biology in a day. All they had to do was exist. It maybe wasn’t a happy life, but the fate of the world didn’t rest on their shoulders. All they had to do was answer to themselves. Anytime she took a moment to just exist and breathe, her brain started whispering all the “better” things she could be doing with her time.

“Hey, twelve.”

Alex looked up from unlocking her motel door. “What’s up?” Names weren’t exchanged in a place like this. Door numbers were enough. Alex knew who everyone in the building was, but she could stick to the system.

Eleven, Angela Harrison, was a single mother of three wild kids. “If you’re not doing anything Thursday, there’s going to be a potluck.”

Speaking of better things, Thanksgiving was on the horizon. “I do have plans, but I’ll drop something off.”

Eleven waved her off. “Don’t waste your time.”

Alex shrugged. “We’ll see. Good luck getting the minions off to school.”

She sighed and thanked her, already muttering about breakfasts and school buses. Alex hauled her motorcycle into the room, keeping it on the rubber mat she had gotten to avoid leaving incriminating evidence in the rug.

Once in the room, Alex bolted it and stuck the security doorstop in place. She wanted a shower, but she really couldn’t risk her hair sticking around the drain. After shutting the door to the bathroom to avoid temptation, she shoved the night’s raid money in the safe. A new bank account might be in her future. Even though she gave more than half the money to those who helped her, two weeks of near-nightly raids had her closing in on a grand of cash. Banks, however, were trickier than skeevy motels and dubious carlots. She shelved the idea and started to strip out of her gear. The armor went into a larger backpack. The clothes she left her apartment in were on the nightstand, but she couldn’t bring herself to put them on. She really did smell horrendous after spending an hour in a dark corner of a room filled with cigarette smoke.

Sighing, Alex shoved the bathroom door open. The water pressure sucked, but she didn’t mind the barely warm water. The armor was lightweight, but wearing it along with sleeves, jeans, and a ski mask during a hot night meant she was covered in sweat. As much as she wanted to just stand in the water and soak her ears in the white noise, she couldn’t close her eyes. The memory of punching those men in the face was strangely haunting. She hadn’t killed them, pulling her punches just enough to knock them out, not shove their noses into their skulls like she knew how. But the blood splatter hadn’t been easy to avoid. She yanked herself out of the shower and quickly dried off even as she let the water continue to run. She had to hope the constant stream of water would push her hair too far down the drain to be reachable.

If anyone followed her, she was going to give them as little to work with as possible.

Once dressed, Alex sat on the bed to reply to some of the texts she had gotten from Kara (Eliza’s impending visit), James (Guardian), and Lucy (rookie agents). They didn’t question the odd times of the texts; or, at least, they figured she wouldn’t want to talk about why she was awake at two a.m. Her sister started a conversation, knowing Alex would stop texting when she fell asleep again. Alex leaned against the headboard and settled in to chat for a bit. As long as she was back in her apartment by three, she would get five hours of sleep. It would cut her morning routine short, but honestly, all she needed was coffee and a granola bar. Besides, there were no missions slated the day before Thanksgiving. If anything happened, it wouldn’t matter how much sleep Alex got or how much breakfast she had.

Alex didn’t mean to pass out. She didn’t even feel tired. Or, she wasn’t sleepy. Sure, her body was achy from the fight; even with armor, getting punched and shot at still hurt. It just wasn’t deadly.

When the wild yells of Angela’s kids fighting over the bathroom woke her up, Alex was disoriented enough to reach for a gun that didn’t exist. Sunlight was trying to break through the curtains of her back windows. She checked her phone, only to find it dead. The clock on the nightstand read 7:05. Still enough time to get back to her apartment, but only if she took a cab and not the bus. Groaning, Alex plugged in her phone, made sure none of the newest texts were urgent and called for a taxi.

Alex rushed to work after dropping her gear in the lead lock box under her bed. She was annoyed at herself for passing out in the motel. If anyone showed up at her apartment looking for her, friend or foe, it would cause a slight ruckus if she wasn’t there. Kara or Lucy would get the DEO to ping her phone, which would show up at her place. Since Alex never left her cell behind, they would think something had happened to her. There was no excuse for her to be unreachable, and it would be uncharacteristic of her. The questions would start, and Alex might pass lie detector tests, but she was damn lucky J’onn hadn’t picked up any of her thoughts.

“Hey, Alex?”

She looked up from her microscope to see Winn in the doorway of her lab. The color of the sunlight on the wall behind him told her it was around five p.m. On the one hand, the day was over. On the other hand, she’d been cooped up in her lab all day to get things finished or settled before the long weekend. “What’s up?”

“Are you sure all I need to bring is dessert? I know that’s all I did last year, but there are more people this year.”

Alex smiled a little at him. “Mom and Kara -like- cooking. You, James, and Lucy are tasked with bringing enough dessert so we all get some before Kara does.”

He grinned. “So, three of whatever I’m bringing. Got it. I’ll talk to James and Lucy, make sure we have more variety than pumpkin pie.” He bid her goodnight and headed off.

Alex went back to her microscope. There would be no going out tonight. She didn’t need to tempt fate with a back alley brawl the night before Thanksgiving. As much as she wanted to distract herself with a midnight raid, her luck would find her smashed between a dumpster and a brick wall. She may not be looking forward to tomorrow night, but she wasn’t going to purposely find a way out of it. The resulting lecture from her mother would not be worth it. At least at dinner, Eliza would be distracted by feeding everyone.

Her phone rang, and she perked up at the sight of Maggie’s name. Hanging out with her was getting more comfortable, but a call after six p.m. meant a case. “Hey, Sawyer.”

“Danvers, you busy?”

“Not with anything more important than a dead body in a car trunk.”

“Sorry, going to have to burst that bubble.” She chuckled at the sound of Alex’s huff. “I don’t have a case that could use some black ops help. Just wanted to know if you’d be joining the ranks of holiday workers.”

Maggie working the night shift for the week meant texts and pool games were rare due to their mismatched schedules. It made Alex’s putting off of the Thanksgiving invite easier, but also led to her stressing about it. Alex had no idea if she wanted Maggie there or not. She had decided to keep the new tradition of shattering her mother’s worldview on Thanksgiving. Last year it was the DEO. This year, that fact Alex wasn’t straight. Maggie would be moral support, but everyone would then pick up on the fact Maggie was the reason Alex was telling them the news.

Awkward did not begin to cover Alex’s feelings.

“Unfortunately, HR won’t let me rack up more overtime.” It wasn't a lie, but not showing up at Thanksgiving would have far more significant consequences.

“Damn, I was hoping I could crash your potluck. I know the one here is going to be miserable.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “If I had the choice, I would rather spend the whole four day weekend in my lab.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Not in the, “everyone’s going to be drunk and belligerent,” way. My sanity, on the other hand…”

“Well, you can shoot me a text if you need an out. There're rumors of a new vigilante, and I’m hoping to get some new information before I’m back on days.”

Alex felt her blood run cold. “New vigilante?”

“Yeah. No one has anything solid, just that there have been attacks on both human and alien criminals. No flashy knight in shining armor for this one, though. It’s like they’re some kind of ninja.”  

Somehow, perhaps it was her training that kicked in, Alex found her voice. “So, like, a stealthier Guardian copycat?”

“Stealthier, and a lot more dangerous. Guardian, at least, just leaves them hanging out. This person has been sending people to the hospital.”

Alex was both proud and sick to her stomach. Her raids were getting results. Unfortunately, those results were noticeable no matter how much she wanted to hide. “Well, I can honestly tell you I don’t know this one. But if something does pop up tomorrow and you want back-up, please give me the excuse to escape dinner?”

Maggie laughed. “Sure thing.”

After wrapping up the conversation, Alex ended the call and dropped her phone on the table. She rested her face in her hands and cleared her mind before J’onn overheard anything. Having run through every step and result of her current experiment, Alex took a deep breath and lifted her head. She wanted a drink.

It wasn't late by any means, but Alex started to clean up her lab for the night. She wanted to stay late, to make up for hours she wouldn't be out raiding. But, for once, a whole night of sleep would be welcomed. She didn't want to be running on caffeine and exhaustion while dealing with her family and friends.

Once back in her apartment, Alex caved and poured herself one drink. It would be enough to ease the stress without resulting in a killer headache. She reheated some pizza and didn't look under her bed. Going out tonight would not end in her favor. As much as she wouldn't mind going down in a fight, she wanted it to be a worthwhile fight.

~

Alex barely aimed her blaster as she fired off a handful of shots. Really, she just needed those two Daruks to stay out of reach. She had no problem punching them in the face, she just had three to deal with before those two reached her.

The roar of a car echoed through the warehouses. She cursed at the sound. Five on one was barely fair as it was. She shot her three assailants point blank. The burns from a close-range blast might blind them, but that was the risk they took. Tires screeched at the mouth of the alley. Another one of the Daruks rushed her, and as she engaged him, she heard quick footsteps come up to her from behind.

“Freeze!”

Alex turned, sweat dripping into her eyes. Her finger squeezed off a shot. She blinked. Her stomach lurched. Standing in front of her was Maggie. They both shared a look of surprise. Maggie looked down, and Alex followed her gaze.

A blaster shot seared Maggie's chest. Smoke rose up as blood trickled down. The smell of smoldering cotton and flesh made Alex retch.

Alex stepped back. Maggie looked her in the eye and then collapsed face up. Alex dropped to her knees next to her, but she found Kara’s lifeless eyes looking up at her. The Kryptonite sword was buried in Kara's body from hip to shoulder.

Alex scrambled back on all fours. She squeezed her eyes closed. “Nightmare. This is a nightmare.”

When she opened her eyes, Lucy was laying there with three bullets wounds in her stomach. Alex slammed her eyes shut.

“This is your fault, Danvers” That was Maggie's voice. “If you were good enough this wouldn’t have happened. If you could do your job, we wouldn't be dead. But you can’t protect anyone, so you kill them instead!”

“No!”

Alex lurched up. The darkness was disorienting. Her heart raced. Sweat trickled down her back. Her hands shook as she brought them up to her face.

Empty.

Her bedroom. Her bed. Not an alley. No Maggie. No Kryptonite sword.

Her phone buzzed. She looked and saw a text from Kara, asking if she was okay. Her sister might be distracted by boy troubles, but Alex knew Kara still kept an ear out for her. With a sigh, Alex picked up her phone and texted back.

[Just a nightmare.]

Kara's reply was instant. [Need some ice cream?]

Alex couldn't help her small smile. [Thanks, but I'm ok.] She really didn't want to deal with anyone, even her sister bearing gifts. Kara wouldn't get her to talk. Kara was great like that. But just her presence….besides, Alex didn't deserve ice cream.

Alex deserved to be the one bleeding in some back alley. She deserved nothing but the death she dealt out. One day, Alex would get everything that was coming to her. She could only hope it would be quick and painless.

~*~

Alex pre-gamed her Thanksgiving with a shot of the highest proof alcohol she had before texting Kara and her mom. Once she was sure they didn’t need her to pick up anything, she grabbed her keys and motorcycle helmet. One shot wasn’t enough to impair her driving. Besides, how was she going to explain needing a ride?

Kara’s apartment was already clean, but the table needed setting. Alex busied herself with that, barely participating in the conversation. She set the table to an almost military exactness, making sure the tablecloth and runners were centered, placing the napkins perfectly, lining up the silverware and plates. It was going to be tricky with an odd amount of people, but Alex could make it work. She had no choice but to make sure everyone could fit at the table.

Her phone vibrated a second before the ringtone went off, and for a moment she felt elation. Maggie was giving her an out. But the song signified Lucy. Still, it might mean an emergency, and she answered the call almost eagerly. “What’s up, Luce?

“There’s nothing that needs Agent Badness, so get that hopeful puppy look off your face.”

Alex rolled her eyes, knowing Kara was probably listening. “I just need a different kind of strong and independent woman to talk to. These two are going on about Ikea bookcases.”

Lucy snorted. “I’m heading over now. Any last minute pick-ups?”

Alex looked over at her mom and sister. “Anything we need?” When she got a negative answer, she told Lucy, “We’re set here. Just bring enough dessert.”

“Is there such a thing as enough dessert for Kara?” Lucy teased.

Kara protested, and Eliza was quick to chastise Kara about eavesdropping. Alex stuck her tongue out at Kara before ending the call. If she were lucky, Lucy would also bring some kind of hard alcohol so Alex wouldn’t have to drown herself in wheat and grapes. Granted, Alex should probably hold off on getting smashed before dinner. But having another shot of tequila would be the liquid courage she needed.

Alex set the food on the table as it finished, arranging it in a neat and orderly way that would only make sense to her. James and Winn arrived, one with pies and the other with ice cream. She knew Kara would start to tune down her senses now that there were more heartbeats, more voices, nearby. It meant Alex could start on her first beer without Kara noticing right away.

Her second beer was started almost as soon as she finished her first beer. Kara set the turkey on the serving platter and lowered her glasses to heat it up. It had taken months of practice for Kara to figure out how quickly to heat things up, how much power to use, where to aim the focus of the laser beams. Alex had suffered weeks of burned and melted marshmallows on her hair and clothes.

“I will never get tired of watching you do that.”

Eliza’s words made Alex want to throw the dish she was seasoning. Kara could repeat the same feats over and over and get the same enthusiastic praise. Alex had to continuously do something new, and even better than the last effort, to get the barest hint of recognition from Eliza. Alex had long since stopped trying to cook with them for Thanksgiving. None of the pies or casseroles or potatoes or anything she made got anything close to “excellent, Alex,” or “this tastes amazing,” or even “not bad.” There was always something that could be added, something that could make it better, never mind that Alex followed each step and instruction exactly. Eliza couldn’t even be bothered to -thank- her for helping. Meanwhile, Kara was praised like some puppy for the smallest thing.

Alex stole Winn’s beer as she eavesdropped on him and James. “Tell who what?”

“Ok, so, um, we thought about what you said.” Winn at least kept his voice low despite Kara having tuned out extraneous noise. “About Kara. And not keeping secrets from her.”

Alex took a swig from the beer, knowing immediately where they were going.

“We talked about it,” James continued. “And, um, I’m gonna be the one that tells her I’m the Guardian.

So. It looked like it would be a contest over who’s news could ruin Thanksgiving the worst. Alex shook her head. “No, no no no, no, you’re not.” She didn’t let them try to protest. “No, because I have something to say, something very important. And I’m not going to have you two hijacking the night with your vigilante hijinks.”

Well, that was eloquent of her. Honestly, beer did worse things to her tongue than any hard liquor.

“I’m sorry,” Winn said, sounding far more confused than apologetic, “I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. No, I can’t wait.”

Before Alex could threaten his life, Kara arrived. “Can’t wait for what?”

Alex gave the boys a chance to cover for themselves since they damn well better learn if they were going to keep doing stupid things in their off hours. Alex had no idea how either man managed to keep secret more than just the DEO and Supergirl’s identity. When Kara scurried off to answer the door, Alex gave them a bland look.

“How did you manage to keep Clark’s secret?” she hissed at James. “Is that why you caved and told Kara you knew she was his cousin not a week after meeting her?”

He groused. “You could’ve helped.”

“If you’re going to wear a mask, be prepared to protect your identity at all costs.” She chugged the rest of the beer and handed Winn the empty bottle. She went to grab her first, half-empty bottle and saw the look on Kara’s face as Mon-El and her mom walked by. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Kara seemed everything but.

“What?” All Alex had on her was a standard handgun. If she had to defend Kara’s honor-

“I think Mon-El is hitting on Eliza.”

Alex could feel the beer trying to come back up her throat. “No way.” That was….still a valid reason to shoot Mon-El. He was not getting his hands on her mother of all people.

“Mmm-hmm. And, uh, he brought stuffing.” Kara showed her the burlap bag of cotton.

Alex sighed and dug her phone out of her pocket with her free hand. Before she could dial Lucy, Kara was grabbing the beer and sticking it in the freezer. Alex protested half-heartedly, but Kara’s putting it away instead of dumping it meant she wasn’t seriously trying to stop Alex. Kara had promised to support her coming out at dinner as long as Alex wasn’t smashed. Alex wasn’t even tipsy, so the taking of beer was really unnecessary.

“What’s up, Alex?” Lucy asked after two rings.

“Mon-El misunderstood the word stuffing. Feel like being a Turkey Day hero?”

“You caught me just as I was passing a store. Preferences?”

Alex made her way to the freezer and pulled out the bottle of whiskey. “Alcohol soaked?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a problem, Danvers.”

“Most of which start and end with you, despite your lack of height.” She opened the bottle and splashed some in a mug before adding some coffee. Nothing like mixing uppers and downers to make herself into a science experiment.

“I can leave the tequila in the car and just bring up the desert,” Lucy threatened.

“Trust me, you’re going to want to bring the tequila up.”

“That sounds ominous. I can’t wait. E.T.A. fifteen minutes.”

Alex ended the call and sipped her coffee. She almost felt sorry for her mother. It seemed like Thanksgiving was never going to go smoothly ever again. Oh, well. She headed to Kara and her mom. “Lucy’s braving the last minute hoards for edible stuffing.”

She didn’t quite hear what her mom said about that, mostly because she didn’t want to be bitter about it. Lucy probably needed the parental praise, and Alex was willing to share it with someone who stood up to call bullshit on someone like General Lane. She glanced at the clock and started to count down the minutes to Lucy rescuing her sanity.

Eliza said something about the DEO not doing that great a job of acclimating Mon-El to Earth if he didn't know what stuffing was. Alex just nodded along and absently agreed with her. Educating aliens wasn't her job description. Like her nightmare had pointed out hours before, she was only good for killing. Besides, it would serve no purpose to point out that Kara should’ve been the one to clarify with Mon-El about the stuffing.

Lucy announced herself by swinging open the door and declaring the party could well and truly start now that she had arrived. Alex was quick to help unload Lucy's arms, grinning while she grabbed only the alcohol.

“You're not as funny as you look, Danvers.”

Alex took the stuffing and set it in front of her mom and sister. She grabbed four shot glasses and filled them. Winn and James joined her after Lucy had done her greetings. They toasted to nothing in particular before tossing back the tequila. Alex pointedly left both glass and bottle at the sink counter when Kara gave her a look. Barely two beers and a shot weren't enough to get tipsy. Which, probably a problem, but Alex didn't really care.

“Are you ready for this?” Lucy asked quietly once the boys had walked away.

Alex shook her head. “No. But if I don't ruin Mom's Thanksgiving, who will?”

“Alex, if she considers this “ruining” the day, then we abscond with some of the food and all of the alcohol and go crash the party as Vasquez's.”

Alex gave Lucy a grateful look. She knew Lucy would do just that, and Vasquez was indeed having a party. The DEO agents with no family were always invited to her place for holidays. It was one of the reasons Vasquez regularly had the holidays off. It really should've been the first hint Director Henshaw wasn't human years ago.

“It's a Danvers family tradition to say what we're thankful for,” Kara explained once they were gathered around the table.

Alex refrained from rolling her eyes. It was the tradition with almost every family. That was the entire point of the day. But saying something about it would only earn her a glare from her mother. She stood with James and Mon-El, wanting to get her words out and done. When James started talking, Lucy squeezed her hand under the table in silent support.

James smiled at everyone. “Kara, I for one would like to say how thankful I am to have such an understanding friend.”

Winn nodded eagerly in agreement. “Oh, he’s right. You are so understanding.”

“No, she’s not,” Alex said, half amused, half knowing Kara could be anything but understanding at times. There was a reason Alex had followed James’ lead in keeping her vigilante hijinks a secret.

“Yes, she is,” James said through gritted teeth.

Lucy smiled up at him, willing to play along. “No, she’s not.” James had no idea Lucy knew the truth of his late-night activities.

Alex ignored her mother’s pointed look with ease.

Mon-El broke the moment of tense silence by standing. “Yeah, I just wanna say something. I am also thankful for you, Kara. Because not only are you understanding, but you’re also gracious. Out of everybody that could’ve found me in that pod, I’m the luckiest guy in the world that it was you.”

As Mon-El sat, Alex saw her chance. James had lost his opportunity to reveal himself. Winn wasn’t going to be brave enough to go through with it. Alex could now single-handedly ruin Thanksgiving. “I’m just going to jump in and say there are so many things that I’m thankful for.” Alex knew she was babbling. She mentally yelled at herself, braced to make a run for it-

A massive water bubble opened above the table. Everyone backed away, knocking over a few chairs. Alex saw Lucy’s hand braced just above the gun in her jeans. Alex’s eyes were on the bubble. Her mother was in her peripheral. If anything came out near for the head of the table-

The bubble vanished.

“Does that normally happen on Thanksgiving?” Mon-El asked.

Alex looked around the apartment. “Kara, do you hear any extra heartbeats? Smell anything new or weird?”

Kara took her glasses off and looked around. “I've got nothing. Do we want to get someone up here from the DEO?”

Alex ignored her mother's sigh and looked at Lucy. “Between the two of us, we should be able to get the gear we need. There are a few portable scanners that can get a majority of the tests done.”

Lucy nodded, and Kara offered to give them a lift. Once at the DEO, Lucy updated J’onn while Alex checked out the items they would need. Once everything was in a backpack, Alex took a deep breath. Her mother was going to be on a tear later tonight. If Alex had been an actual scientist and not an agent, if Alex had kept Kara from becoming Supergirl, if Alex could do anything besides kill…

Lucy tapped on the doorjamb. “Ready?”

Alex sighed. “Is it bad I'm really hoping Maggie is going to need DEO back-up tonight?”

Lucy snorted. “Nope. But, I also understand where you're coming from. There's a reason I'm here and not in Metropolis.”

Alex hefted the bag and headed out the door. “I thought you and Lois were doing better?”

“We are.” Lucy shrugged. “We're not at holiday levels of better.”

“Well, consider this your open invitation to all Danvers Family Holiday disasters.” Alex gave her a look. “Please consider this that invite.”

Lucy laughed. “Yes, I will bring you the good alcohol for all future holidays.”

“You really are the better Lane.”

Lucy preened, and Kara took them back her apartment. Winn helped run the necessary scans and tests between bites of food. Nothing came of their little investigation. Alex supposed she should be grateful there was no immediate threat. The distraction would’ve been a sanity saver, though.

Neither James nor Winn tried to bring up Guardian again. Lucy decided it wasn’t her place to push at another family’s dinner. As much as Alex wanted to just spill her guts and get it all over with, she had lost her steam. The round of tequila shots after the tests units came back negative made her warm and lazy instead of buzzed and amped. She ignored Kara’s look of disappointment when she poured a second glass of wine.

Once dinner was over, everyone was tasked with bringing home their fair share of the food. Alex prepped two extra sets and nudged Lucy. “Hey, do you mind driving me?”

Lucy shook her head. “Not at all. I was going to ask if you thought taking your bike was a good idea with three to-go boxes.”

Alex honestly owed Lucy her left kidney for that statement. Anyone else would’ve brought up the number of drinks Alex had downed in the last few hours. “Is it okay if we swing by…” Alex trailed off, hoping Lucy caught on.

“We need to return the equipment, anyway.” She snapped the lid to her share closed. “Might as well give J’onn his portion while it’s fresh.”

Never mind her left kidney, Alex was going to donate a lung. With their escape secured, Alex was able to leave the apartment before Eliza could think of a reason to keep Alex behind once everyone was gone. There was no way Eliza was rude enough to ask Lucy to wait in the car while she had a word with Alex. Once safe in Lucy’s car, Alex closed her eyes and felt the tension in her shoulders loosen. Lucy said nothing as she headed for the DEO.

By the time they were done with an abbreviated report, it was well past nightfall. Alex was starting to feel the fatigue, and she figured Lucy was probably ready to head home, too. “I can catch a cab home if you don’t want to drive me to the other side of town.”

“Call Sawyer to make sure she’s not on the streets looking for trouble,” Lucy half ordered.

“I owe you so much for this,” Alex said as she fished out her phone.

Lucy smirked at her. “I accept payment in the form of sexual favors.”

“I get hazard pay, Lane, but not enough to afford you a hooker.”

“Oh, no, personal favors are repaid personally.”

“Then it’d be a shitty repayment.” Alex had no problem bashing herself if it meant Lucy didn’t have ammunition to work with. Besides, it was the truth.

Lucy unlocked the car and eyed Alex up and down. “You’re smart, you would learn.”

Alex rolled her eyes and used every bit of training she had to keep her face from turning pink. If she could fool a lie detector test, she could fool Lucy. Past experience said otherwise, but it was only the once. Outliers were not to be counted. Alex got into the car and called Maggie.

“Hey, Danvers, what’s up?”

“You sound bored. Stuck at the precinct?”

“Unfortunately. Everyone’s behaving.” She sounded almost disappointed by the prospect.

“Shouldn’t you be happy you’re getting paid to sit around and do nothing?”

“It might say “officer of the peace” on the cars, but I’m still an American cop. We like our violence.”

Alex snorted. “I call bullshit. You don’t like violence, you like action.”

“That I do, Danvers, that I do.” Maggie’s voice had dropped and slowed just a hint. Not enough for her coworkers around her to notice, but Alex definitely heard her meaning.

Alex couldn’t help the way her face turned pink this time. Lucy was quick to laugh, having been eavesdropping for the whole conversation.

“That doesn’t sound like Kara,” Maggie said.

“Fortunately for your sanity, you’ve never met Lucy.” Alex couldn’t dodge the punch for her shoulder, but she could catch it and toss Lucy’s hand back at the wheel. “Both hands on the wheel, Lane, where did you learn to drive?”

Lucy huffed. “What makes you think the General supported the idea of women drivers?”

“Oh, my God, you learned in a desert on the other side of the world, didn’t you?”

“Only the interesting things.” She glanced at the cellphone Alex was still holding. “Things that shouldn't be mentioned in front of a police officer.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “We’re headed your way with real Thanksgiving food, Sawyer.”

Maggie said she would meet them outside just to have an excuse to get out of the building. Alex hung up and was surprised Lucy had nothing smart to say about the fact they were going to deliver food to Maggie.

“Is there anything I should know before finally meeting her?” Lucy asked.

Alex blinked, and her brain stumbled. “Um, I mean, you know the basics? And probably more than that, since no one told me I was babbling about her for few weeks?”

“I got to witness you have a crush first hand.” Lucy grinned. “Beyond that, it wasn’t like you were annoying or creepy.”

Alex took some comfort in Lucy’s words. She had been second guessing everything she had been saying about Maggie since being called out for angling for a date. Knowing she hadn’t come off as weird to one of the people who heard a lot of it was a relief. It still felt stupid to be driving across town for Maggie.

The moment Lucy pulled to a stop in front of the precinct, Maggie was up off the bench and climbing into the backseat. Alex passed back the container and utensils, laughing at Maggie’s eagerness.

“Look, I work with a good group,” Maggie said as she popped off the lid. “ _None_ of them can cook worth a damn.”

Lucy turned off the car and turned in her seat. She introduced herself but gave her title as deputy director instead of Army Major. Alex kept quiet for the most part and let the other two talk. She knew her sobriety was tenuous, and she didn’t want to embarrass herself. Besides, she needed Lucy and Maggie to become friends for future DEO/NCPD co-operations. Alex was going to get her face ripped off during one of her raids. Maggie would still be able to ask the DEO for help if she had an established friendship with Lucy.

Half an hour later, Maggie was a third of the way through the food. She snapped the lid back in place. “This was great, Danvers. Thanks.” She held the container up between the seats.

Alex gently pushed the food back towards Maggie. “That’s your share, Sawyer.”

“What? This is enough for like three people.”

“Or three meals for one person,” Lucy pointed out. “Neither of us is taking it, we’ve got our own share that’s just as large.”

Maggie looked at them. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Alex said, being a little more forceful with her push. She hated the way her chest fluttered at Maggie’s smile.

“Thanks, Danvers. And you, too, Lane, for driving.” She slid out of the car and headed back for the precinct.

Alex had no idea what she had done to deserve a friend like Lucy. There wasn’t a single word of teasing during the trip back to her apartment. Maybe it was exhaustion. Alex knew the extra trip to the precinct had kept Lucy from finally being able to relax after a long day of eating and a brief bout of working. Once in front of her building, she gave Lucy a grateful look. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Alex.” She grinned. “Get some rest, you look like shit.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “I hope you get bitten by a bat tomorrow.”

Lucy’s laugh was cut off by Alex closing the car door. She didn’t bother turning on the light when she got inside her apartment. The city lights illuminated enough for her to find the fridge and stick her tub of leftovers in it. After blindly grabbing a bottle of alcohol from the freezer, she connected her phone to her speakers and headed for her bed.

_Everyone wants to call it all around our life with a better name  
_ _Everyone falls and spins and gets up again with a friend who does the same  
_ _Everyone lies and cheats their wants and needs and still believes their heart  
_ _And everyone gets the chills, the kind that kills, when the pain begins to start_

 

_Did I get this straight?  
_ _Do you want me here as I struggle through each and every year  
_ _And all these demons, they keep me up all night  
_ _They keep me up all night  
_ _They keep me up all night_

 

On the upside, she hadn’t been solely responsible for ruining Thanksgiving. The downside of that being she still wasn’t out to her friends and mother. Which meant she still had to go through with it. Not that she thought Winn or James would well and truly care, at least, not to the point of changing their minds about friendship with her. And it wasn’t like she had done her mother proud in years, anyway. Being a lesbian who would not give her mother biological grandkids would just be another tick in the failure column for Alex.

She took a long gulp of the vodka and started to change clothes. Did she really need to come out to everyone, anyway? She had a pretty good bead on the handful of people in her life. They wouldn’t try to shun her or be any kind of cruel. Her own brand of idiotic vigilante hijinks was going to get her killed before she could land a steady girlfriend. Or even meet a woman she would want to date. Hell, it wasn’t even safe for her to have any kind of relationship, physical or emotional, outside of anyone who knew of the DEO and her sister. So, really, there was no point to being open about this part of herself. There was no “real, full, happy life” ahead of her. She was just going to have to deal with it all out on her own, just as she did everything else that didn’t involve killing aliens.

Alex considered the lead box under her bed for a moment. It wasn’t even midnight. The holiday meant no bus service, but there were cabs. She could easily fit a raid in before trying to sleep. Looking at the near-empty vodka bottle, Alex decided against it. She was heading towards drunk, and Maggie was hunting Lady. Maybe Alex had a deathwish, but her nightmare didn't need a chance of coming true. With one final chug to empty the bottle, Alex rolled over and hoped she got through the night with her sanity intact.

  



	6. Medusa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual thanks to the betas, for they are most awesome.

Alex shrugged off her jacket, grabbed the whiskey from the coffee table as she passed, and headed for the box under her bed. She took a swig and didn’t even wince at the burn before setting the bottle on the bedside table. Her day had been downright monotonous. Not a single alien had tried to pull any Black Friday stunts. While a day in the lab meant listening to her music and not getting thrown through a wall, she now had a lot of pent-up energy. Sure, her work wasn’t exactly easy. But none of her current projects required taxing her brainpower to new heights.

In less than twenty minutes, Alex was out the door and on the bus towards her musty motel room. She paged through the latest crime news on her phone, looking for the night’s hotspots. Sometimes the list Maggie gave her was useful. Alex tried to avoid using it when possible. She didn’t need the detective to detect that a vigilante was dealing with her list of on-going problems.

The first thing Alex did when she arrived at the motel was knock on door number eleven. The eldest boy answered, looking less hostile than he would’ve been for a stranger. Alex held out her share of the Thanksgiving Day leftovers. “I honestly don’t want to see more turkey until next year.”

He carefully took the container from her. “What’s the catch?”

Angela appeared behind him. “She probably doesn’t want you three yelling to the high heavens at seven in the morning.”

“Thanks, Twelve,” the boy said, sounding a hint sincere. “We’ll try to keep it down in the morning.”

“I’m not asking for silence,” Alex said. “It’s just really jarring to be woken by screams.”

He nodded, and Angela thanked her as well. Alex hurried into her room and changed quickly. She was almost vibrating with the need to get out and do something physical. After deciding against the anti-facial recognition makeup, she pulled on her ski mask and helmet. Rushing out the door almost had her tripping over her bike. Once on the road, Alex sped for her target area. There was a risk going out on a Friday night. Even, or perhaps especially, on a holiday weekend, when there would be an insane amount of cops.

Maggie still had one more night shift. Alex was playing with fire. But criminals didn’t take holidays, and Alex had a feeling she could break open a problem along with a few bones. It wasn’t a good thing, needing an adrenaline rush like this. She was likely addicted to the risk of death and discovery. Besides, nothing else in her life was going to give her any sense of accomplishment. All she had was the ability and knowledge to destroy.

Alex stashed her bike half a mile from the strip mall that was a front for low key yet nefarious activities. Twenty minutes later, she was in another set of rafters for the second time in three days. Rafters weren’t all that bad, really, and these were smoke-free to boot. She looked down at the scene below her and debated her chances of success. The leader of the operation was a Fort Rozz escapee by the name of Mandrax. Alex was pretty sure none of the five of guards had night-vision, so if she killed the lights, they wouldn’t be able to see her attacks. However, if the lights were brought back on while she was wearing goggles, she would be blinded.

“I’ve already stolen two paintings for you,” an alien woman was arguing. “That’s far more than my brother is worth!”

“The first painting bought your brother free of the debt owed to me for his failure,” Mandrax said. “The second bought his freedom. The third will buy yours.”

“Then let him go!”

“He is the only reason you’ll return to me instead of running off with him. He stays until you complete this last task. You have one week.”

Alex shifted off her heels to the balls of her feet as the guards started to relax. The alien woman was armed, though apparently was not seen as a threat with her brother’s life on the line. Alex was hoping there was some fight to the woman or else the attack plan was going to get tricky. When the guards took their eyes off the alien, Alex struck.

She leaped down and landed on Mandrax. His knees gave out, and she struck his temple before rolling away from his collapsed body. She popped back up, armed and shooting the two guards who had been behind Mandrax. The sounds of a scuffle meant there was no immediate threat behind her. She still turned quickly and assessed the fight.

The alien woman was winning, having busted the kneecap of one guard. Her current opponent projected his strikes. She dodged and got under his defense. Her brother had gotten loose of the last guard but was definitely no combatant. He was evading blows. Alex shot that guard. The brother kicked at the unconscious body while his sister dropped the last threat.

Alex kept an eye on the reunion while she looted for cash, weapons, and goods. The woman hugged him fiercely. Alex split the money into two stacks and put two of the guns next to one pile. She stuffed her share away as the siblings approached her.

“How can we repay you?” the woman asked.

Alex started to use the clothes on the guards to bind their limbs. “Forget you ever saw me.”

“You’re the Lady,” he said, eyes wide.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alex was well aware of her moniker, but she didn’t have to acknowledge or encourage it.

The woman scoffed. “You are not doing this out of the goodness of your heart.”

Alex stood and moved to Mandrax. “You’re right.” She found his phone and dialed the number to the DEO dispatcher but didn’t hit call. That would happen the moment she left and no sooner.

“Then why are you here?” the brother asked.

Alex moved to the next guards, making sure to keep the siblings in her line of sight. It wasn’t a question she was keen to answer. “Take the money and weapons and get out of town.”

“You know nothing of Valerians,” the woman said. “The reason I didn’t just kill Mandrax myself is that we honor our debts. Always.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “That’s how you end up in situations like this.”

“It may well be worth it if people know they can trust us based on a stereotype.” She shrugged. “One we can use to our advantage when necessary.”

Alex felt her lips quirk up at that statement. It wasn’t that bad a reason to perpetuate a stereotype. “Then pay off your debt by making sure I don’t see you again in a similar situation.”

The siblings sighed and divvied up the cash and checked the guns. Alex finished up with the last guard before grabbing Mandrax’s cell phone. The siblings ran for the exit and Alex wasn’t far behind. The DEO would trace where the phone call was coming from and investigate. She almost felt sorry for giving Lucy paperwork, but not sorry enough.

Since her first raid of the night had taken less than an hour, Alex investigated the rumors of a poker game that used baby animals as currency. Though she didn’t necessarily care about gambling, animal cruelty was unnecessary, and she could always beat some information out of the players.

The plan grew complicated when she discovered the room was connected to a busy laundromat. She supposed that when laundry needed to be done, a holiday meant nothing. Still, she would have to be a bit more careful about which walls she threw people into. It wouldn’t do to send someone into the main room and have to hurry off before the job was done.

Getting into the building was pathetically simple, and she didn’t even use the business entrance. There was a guard positioned at the back door who didn’t even blink when Alex entered the alley. The key to getting into a place, sometimes, was acting for all the world like she was meant to be there. Her hands were empty at her sides, she walked as if she had no secrets, and the darkness of the alley hid the fact she wore a mask. It was just a matter of hitting the guard with a taser and some zip-ties to keep him hidden behind a dumpster.

The moment she walked into the building, she was punted back out. Alex would’ve found herself in a world of hurt if not for her armor. The lining in her hood was even lighter and thinner than what was around her body, but it still kept her head from cracking open. She barely aimed as she shot the alien barreling out of the door after her. The blaster she had taken off a Gronard four nights before proved strong enough to drop something built like a rhino and with skin just as tough.

Alex pushed herself to her feet and dove into a roll as she entered the dimly lit backroom. What little she had been able to glimpse would have to be enough. She popped up to her feet and took shots at the four aliens as she ran for cover behind a dusty old coin machine. She had an alien slumped over before he could react. Games like this meant no weapons were allowed at the table, so the aliens were either scrambling for cover or trying to get the weapon’s safe open.

Too bad the one with the key was unconscious out in the alley.

Alex peered around the rusty machine and took down the two aliens still standing. One was struggling to breathe in his chair. Alex quickly secured the three unconscious aliens before she started to interrogate the coughing alien. She couldn’t be sure if any of the other gambling locations were legit, but at least she had a starting point. After a moment outside to grab the cell phone off the human guard, Alex dialed Maggie’s precinct and told the alien to give the laundromat’s address when someone answered. The threat of a dagger to the throat was a great motivator.

Alex shot the alien again to silence him. She was almost sure he wasn’t dead, but couldn’t bring herself to care. There was no way she was going to switch between weapons just to make sure some idiot lived to see the consequences of their mistake. The only time she would trade one blaster for another would be if her current one wasn’t working.

In the center of the table, a wire cage held two kittens, a puppy, a small bunny, and four ferrets. Next to each chair were wooden boxes holding more of each. Alex quickly separated the “placed bets” back amongst their friends. If not for the animals, Alex would’ve just left the aliens to be found.

As much as Alex wanted to deliver some crimes directly to Maggie, she knew calling Maggie’s desk directly would be suspicious. Alex didn’t want anyone thinking Maggie had a connection with Lady’s activities.

There was still enough time in the night for another small raid, but the sight of beer bottles and the smell of alcohol made Alex want her own drink. She returned to the motel and changed before catching the last bus to her side of town.

Halfway through her shower, her phone rang with Maggie’s ringtone. Her hand shot out of the curtain and swiped across a towel before answering. “What’s wrong?”

“Get to the bar. Now.” The tightness in Maggie's voice reminded Alex of the last time she was injured.

“I’ll be there in fifteen.” Alex didn’t wait for a reply before hanging up and rinsing off. She dried off as fast as she could before grabbing the first articles of clothing her hands landed on. She was on her bike minutes later, running stop signs and dodging through a handful of cars at intersections.

Lucy’s ringtone sounded through the Bluetooth headset in her helmet. “Danvers, we have a situation.”

Alex’s grip tightened. “Already heading to one, Lane.”

Lucy didn’t snap at her. “Sawyer call you already? Or Kara?”

“Sawyer. Do you have details?” She hoped Maggie wasn’t hurt, hoped Alex wasn’t going to reach her in time to find her body leaking blood all over an alley.

“There was a lethal attack on the alien bar.” Lucy took a deep breath. “Sawyer’s fine, just first on the scene. Mon-El got his ass kicked, but that’s better than dead.”

Alex felt the relief sweep through her system like a drug. “Do we know who did it?”

“Not yet. Be careful. I’m heading over with a forensics team.”

“I’ll try to keep Kara from flying off if she gets some kind of lead.” Alex ended the call and went a little faster. Kara, posing as Supergirl, was likely looking after Mon-El and trying to find some kind of evidence of what had happened. Maggie, meanwhile, was probably trying not to lose her shit at the sight of dead friends. Alex had walked in a few botched operations as an agent. It was never a pretty sight, even if she had no real friends within the DEO.

When Alex arrived at the bar, Mon-El was leaning against a police cruiser with his arms crossed over his chest. Alex barely had her bike parked before she asked, “Where are they?”

He motioned down the alley. “They’re keeping an eye on each other. Kara doesn’t want me near the room that killed everyone else.”

“Director Lane is on her way with a forensics team. Take the next transport to the DEO for a medical eval.”

He nodded, head hanging once more. For all he came off like a jock, he didn’t actually want people dead.

Alex jogged down the alley and stepped around the body propping the door open. What humans had been in the bar were long gone. Alex didn’t blame them. “Supergirl? Sawyer?”

“Here,” Kara called back. She sounded so defeated and subdued.

Alex took note of where everybody had fallen. She already knew she would have a lot of lab results to examine in the morning. Part of her wondered if she would even get any sleep. All-nighters weren’t uncommon, but she had been three shots into her nightly routine when Maggie had called. Speaking of Maggie, the detective was just standing in the middle of the room. She looked so lost. Kara had a hand on her shoulder but stood far enough away to give her some space.

Alex put herself in front of Maggie and put a hand on her elbow. “Sawyer, look at me.”

Maggie immediately focused on her. “I’m not too close to this.” The switch from shock to fierce defiance would’ve given Alex whiplash if she wasn’t expecting it.

“I’m not saying that.” Alex raised one hand in vague surrender while keeping the other one on Maggie’s arm. “You’ll be the one to take this as seriously as it requires. I just wanted to get your attention so we can focus.”

Maggie nodded once. “Right.”

“Lucy is on her way with a forensics team. Let’s secure the scene.” She sincerely hoped she wouldn’t have to hold Maggie’s hand through all of this. Her job was going to be hard enough keeping Kara on point. Looking at her sister, she said, “Go see what Mon-El remembers. Keep an eye on his vitals, see if any human witnesses are staying out of sight. They’ll be more likely to approach you than us.”

Kara nodded and headed off.

Alex carefully nudged Maggie into motion. “The office has the security footage, right? Let’s start there.” She had been an idiot to think her night was going to be an easy one. She would much rather be facing a dozen Infernians than deal with the emotional upheaval of this case. At the very least, she wouldn’t have to worry about nightmares.

~

“Danvers, go home,” Lucy ordered, almost slipping into saying “both of you.” Fortunately, she caught herself before flubbing in front of Sawyer. With how often the detective was involved with the DEO and Alex, Lucy expected Maggie to be a Super Friend in the know.

Alex didn’t look up from where she was taking notes on a toe tag. “I can crash-”

“You are not crashing in your lab, that’s a safety hazard.” Lucy knew Alex would never be so exhausted as to have something running while she slept, but it was the only real arguing point she could use. “I will make Supergirl fly you there.”

Kara put her hands on her hips. “I’ll do it, too.”

Alex glared at them both. “I have an actual bunk there, too, you know.”

Lucy scoffed. “You would never actually get there, and we all know it. Even Sawyer, who’s new, can probably guess you’re too stubborn to go to your bunk.”

Maggie joined them from where she was comparing video footage with the notes taken by an agent. “I hear my name being taken in vain.”

Lucy smirked at her. “I would never.”

Rolling her eyes, Maggie asked, “Are we making Danvers go home?”

“Yes. You as well.” Lucy didn’t balk at the glare Maggie gave her. “Your shift is almost over, you need to report back to your precinct, and this has been as emotionally draining for you as it has been for Supergirl.”

Maggie’s face started to close off. “There’s too much work that still needs to be done.”

Alex motioned to the detective. “She’s right, we’re going nowhere.”

“Agent Danvers,” Lucy snapped, calling upon her time in the military. “The work you’re doing is easily accomplished by just as competent an agent who’s had real rest and isn’t running on fumes, coffee, and at least one beer. You know better than I do what sleep deprivation does to the human brain. I will order you home and lock you out of the system until the start of your shift _tomorrow_.” She locked eyes with Maggie. “Detective Sawyer, do not make me pull jurisdictional-”

Maggie held up her hands. “I’m going. C’mon, Danvers.”

“What?” Alex was appalled.

“I smelled the tequila on your breath,” Maggie said, holding a hand out to help her up off the floor. “You’re lucky I’m not gonna insist I drive you home.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “I’d call that gett-”

“You’re still on duty, Director,” Kara reminded through gritted teeth.

Lucy was amazed at just how easy it was to rile up Kara some days. “Make sure this one actually goes home. You’re the only one strong enough to really force her.”

Kara nodded and put a hand on Alex’s shoulder, guiding her out.

Maggie looked around the room, now mostly body bags and forensic agents. “I want to be kept in the loop, Lane.”

“Every step of the way,” Lucy agreed. “I promise.”

After a long, hard look at Lucy, Maggie nodded. “I don’t know you well enough to trust your word, but if Danvers and Supergirl do, then I guess I can run with that.”

“You helped get Alex out of the building.” Lucy grinned. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

~*~

The last thing Alex wanted to do was bring her mother into her lab. Having Eliza around would mean listening to the woman berate and question everything Alex said and did. It would drive Alex anxious to the point of unproductive, which would only give her mother even more fuel. But not only was Alex more killer than scientist these days, but the attack on the bar needed to be dealt with sooner than later. Eliza would be able to figure it out a lot quicker than Alex. It would bring the DEO one step closer to not just Cadmus, but her father as well. Maybe, if Alex brought Jeremiah back to her mother, that mistake could be forgiven.

Even years later, Alex had no idea how she was supposed to stop Kara from taking that flight. Letting Kara go off alone would’ve been as disastrous. Alex had been too young at the time to really argue a more valid reason than “you can’t use your powers.” There had been absolutely nothing Alex could’ve physically done to stop her. Maybe Alex could’ve called for her parents, but there was a reason Alex and Kara were out on the roof.

Maggie answered her phone on the second ring. “Sawyer.”

“Hey, I’ve got an update.” Alex hadn’t been too annoyed when Lucy told her to keep Maggie in the loop. It was just one more thing Alex had to do on top of everything else.

“The tone of your voice tells me it’s bad news.”

Alex sighed. “Cadmus has their hands on a particular virus that targets only alien DNA.” She hoped Maggie wouldn’t ask where or how Cadmus got the virus. Alex did not have the patience to explain a secret Kryptonian fortress that wasn’t all that secure. “At its creation, a cure wasn’t deemed necessary.”

“Cadmus used the bar as a testing ground. Humans weren’t affected. But neither was Supergirl and Mon-El.”

Alex really didn’t want to give away the origin of the virus, so she didn’t hesitate to lie. “Supergirl’s Kryptonian DNA is something we’re putting under the microscope.”

“At least we have a culprit and the details of the weapon. Anything else?”

Nothing else Alex was willing to tell her, anyway. “No, but I’ll call you when we have more.”

“Thanks, Danvers.”

“Stay safe out there, Sawyer.” As much as she hated the social and professional obligation that was Maggie, Alex didn’t want her dead. Getting in Cadmus’ way was a quick way to a deep, hidden grave.

Alex took a deep breath and headed back to the lab where her mother was working. With no real update to report, Alex settled at a computer. She hoped her mother didn’t bring up the fact that Cadmus attacked the bar because it was the new hang-out for Supergirl and company. Alex may not have known all the local alien hangouts, but she knew of a few alien-friendly places since joining the DEO. Cadmus could’ve struck the far more public ones, the ones that would’ve made the news. Instead, this bar, in particular, was chosen.

“So what is it?” Eliza asked after half an hour of them working at their separate stations.

Years of lying meant Alex didn’t even miss a beat. “I’ve got the mainframe breaking down the virus on a molecular level.”

“No, I mean, I know you’ve been trying to tell me something.” She didn’t sound irritated or worried, but that could quickly change.

Alex made a face, hoping she came off as if nothing was going on. “Oh, no.” She shook her head and got up to get out from under her mother’s stare. “No.” She could feel Eliza’s eyes on her. She sighed. “How?”

Best to get it all out. If Alex had to run, she could maybe convince Kara that it was worth checking a few warehouses for Cadmus set-ups. Her mother really didn’t need her to help with the lab work. Alex was of better use with a gun in her hands than a microscope.

“Keeping a secret doesn’t agree with you, sweetie.” Again, she didn’t sound upset.

Alex wanted to call bullshit. She had more secrets than anyone would ever know. “This isn’t like that, Mom.”

“Does it have anything to do with Maggie?” The way she asked told Alex that she had already figured it out. “You mention her a lot.”

Alex could feel her heart speed up. She had to look away to keep some vague semblance of composure. It wasn’t that the rejection still hurt. It was just...Maggie was the tip of an enormous, jagged iceberg of the problems in her life.

“Oh, my beautiful Alexandra, why is it so hard for you to tell me?” Everything about Eliza looked calm and accepting. Alex couldn’t see an attack coming, and that was why she could even make an effort to have the conversation.

“I feel like I’m, uh, letting you down somehow.” Nothing Alex did could ever meet Eliza’s expectations. This wouldn’t be any different.

“Why would your being gay ever let me down?”

“You always wanted me to have a regular life.” Which meant a husband with the same level of education, biological kids, the family dog, and a white picket fence. Even before Kara, Alex had never aimed for something like that.

“Alex, look at the life our family has led. Look at me, look at your sister.” Ah, yes, the two people Alex never managed to measure up to. “I don’t think you believe I ever expected you to have a regular life.”

Again, Alex wanted to call every bit of bullshit possible. Alex was expected to set the example for Kara; perfect grades, perfect behavior, perfect life. And for Eliza, that meant the socially acceptable job, the nice house in the good neighborhood, and whatever other metrics Eliza could invent.

“You were always gonna be different, Alex. Because you were always exceptional.” There was no lie in her voice, nothing that implied she was pulling the words out of her ass. “I love you, how ever you are.”

Alex swallowed down every retort. Rare were the days Eliza showed any kind of pride in or acceptance of Alex’s life. Instead of saying any of the angry things sitting on the tip of her tongue, she accepted the hug her mother wrapped her in and sighed in relief. The conversation could’ve gone a lot worse. All things considered, Alex was lucky to survive it relatively unscathed.

~*~

Not only was Alex peeved that Kara failed to get the isotope from Lena, but Maggie was hurt, and Cyborg Henshaw was once again in the wind. Kara had flown Maggie right to Alex for medical attention. Alex had been prepping her team to catch up with Maggie’s SWAT unit, only to have to immediately change out and deal with a cauterized laser wound to the chest. Maggie was lucky it was her shoulder that had been hit. Any lower and there would’ve been damage beyond Alex’s skill. As much as she knew, surgery on vital organs wasn’t one of them.

“I told my mom.” Which, technically, was a lie, since her mother had called her out.

“You did?” Maggie was both surprised and pleased. “How did she take it?”

“Better than me.” And maybe, now that Alex thought about it, Eliza was expecting something like this and was ready for the disappointment. “You know, when you first suggested that I was gay, I, uh, I denied it. And then I thought it was just about you. I mean how could I not like you?”

And, honestly, she probably shouldn’t have taken that swig of bourbon from her locker before gearing up. It was the high proof stuff that was now loosening her tongue.

“But, you know, deep down, I think I still wasn’t comfortable that that was my new normal.” God, why was Maggie letting her ramble like this? “But it is my new normal. And I’m happy that it is. Cause, um, I don’t know, I finally get me.”

Repeat a mantra enough times, and maybe it would come true. If she wasn’t any good at being intimate with men than it had to be women.

“And now I realize that it wasn’t about you, but it’s about living my life.” Even if was bound to be a short one. “So, thank you.”

Maggie smiled at her, and Alex had to look away because she honestly didn’t deserve someone so patient. “Anytime.”

“Sawyer, if I put you in the system and give you a badge, will you stop hurting yourself to get into the DEO?”

Alex looked towards the door to see Lucy leaning against it, arms crossed. “Some people work for a living, Major.”

Lucy glared at her. “Take that back, Agent.”

“I’d rather hold it over you.” Alex went back to cleaning up the medical supplies, ignoring the almost growl from the door.

If they weren’t in a lab full of fragile equipment, Lucy probably would’ve started a fight. “See if I ever make the good margaritas for you again.” She stalked into the room and around the bed to the stool on the opposite side. “Seriously, Sawyer, if you sit through the paperwork, I’ll give you basic access.”

“I don’t know if that’ll actually stop the injuries,” Maggie admitted. “I think it’s just a side effect of running the same circles as Danvers and Supergirl.”

Lucy sighed. “You’re not wrong. Everyone jokes it’s Supergirl’s appetite that’s upped the DEO’s budget. In reality, it’s the collateral damage those two leave behind.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “We are _not_ that bad.”

“Your first mission blew up a semi. The second ended with the structural integrity of an entire warehouse in question.”

“That warehouse was already abandoned.” At least Lucy wasn’t bringing up Kara’s first attempts at being a superhero. Those baby-steps were actually embarrassing.

Lucy looked at Maggie. “Then they graduated to CatCo gala.”

Alex glared, fighting back her smile at the teasing and Maggie’s amusement. “I wasn’t on site for that one, it doesn’t count!”

Lucy continued to focus on Maggie. “She wasn’t on site for the semi, either, but you’ll notice she’s not protesting that one.”

“All your hot air really should go back to CatCo,” Alex muttered, turning her back to them so they wouldn’t see her grin. Cadmus was on the loose, this was no time for joking around. Her mother would be full of questions if Alex returned with her spirits high.

“You know,” Maggie said, “Alex said she was protecting my sanity by not introducing us. I think she was worried we’d get along.”

“It’s impossible to hate me,” Lucy said, smug as ever. “Even her sister likes me, and she wanted to date my boyfriend at the time.”

“It’s your stature,” Alex said, turning and leaning against a table. “You’re short enough to come off as non-threatening.”

Lucy shook her head in disappointment. “Two height jokes in five minutes. Where’s your creativity, Danvers?”

Alex straightened up, knowing she had to get back to cracking the virus. “In the lab, where I’m working. Unlike some people.”

“I was running a base full of agents and scientists,” Lucy said. “How many people are you even in charge of?”

Alex flipped her off as she headed for the door.

“You wish, Danvers.”

Alex snorted. “In your dreams, Lane.”

“Only every night!”

Honestly, she had no idea why she bothered to stay friends with a little shit like Lucy Lane.

  
~*~

Watching the virus cloud ease down into the city, Alex knew J’onn would hate her for the thoughts warring in her mind. There were far more aliens who deserved a peaceful life than there were criminals. But, God, her life would be so much easier if there were no aliens in National City for a few weeks. The criminals would be the first to fill into the vacuum of power, followed by the braver souls. Still, it would almost be a vacation if all the aliens died.

Lucy wouldn’t be that bad of a full-time Director. Hell, she’d likely put Alex in charge of the city base. It would mean no more field work, though, and Alex needed to be out there with Kara. No one would forgive her if she weren’t there to save Kara’s life.

But there was no panic echoing up from the streets. Then Kara was on comms, telling them the virus was inert, telling them J’onn was safe. Relief swept away the dreams of a life without as much death and killing. The status quo was by far the easier life; at least she knew what to expect of it.

Two hours later, Lucy and Maggie were long gone, Kara had taken Eliza back to her apartment, and even J’onn had called it a night. Alex wanted to sleep, had been running on only four hours of it after her late Black Friday. Instead, she was sitting in her lab, looking at the components of the missile, the computer lined with data, and the small device Cyborg Henshaw had used at the bar. A dangerous, horrible idea twisted in her head. It was so terrible and wrong, and even more evidence that Alex had no hope of returning to any kind of “do no harm” medical mindset.

The idea, however, had to wait until after her mother was heading back to Midvale. Alex couldn’t risk Eliza stumbling upon anything other than a cure for Mon-El. Turning on her heel, Alex left the lab, turning off the lights and locking the door behind her. She needed a rested mind before going through with her idea.

~*~

Maggie had been involved with the Science Division long enough to have seen some gruesome shit. Hell, a week ago, she had processed the corpses of half a dozen friends in what was supposed to be a safe haven the day after Thanksgiving. Still, she wasn’t expecting this when she had been yanked out of bed by a phone call from her captain at dawn.

The gang of Balvarians were known opioid dealers. Their prices ran high, though, and they had the protection of the higher bidders for their goods. The richer clientele and well paid guards meant less rats for Maggie to coerce into revealing where the next shop would be set up. Busting the gang was a pipe dream, along with Roulette remaining in prison long enough to be sentenced.

It seemed not even money could protect criminals from Lady.

Maggie didn’t want to believe the vigilante would go so far, but that was why she disliked the types so much. They started down a slippery slope of doing what was necessary that led to shit like the scene in front of her.

Eight Balvarians and their guards, alien and human both. The humans were merely zip tied and suffering burns from a high voltage stun gun. The aliens? Those that weren’t literally coughing up lungs were blinded and bleeding from their eyes. Maggie had seen the exact same side effects a week ago. The one thing barely in Lady’s favor was that all the aliens were still alive. Maggie wasn’t sure even that would last long for some of them.

The Science Division lab put the necessary tests at the front of the line. It took hours, and Maggie was almost desperate enough to call Alex and ask a favor. But Maggie wasn’t sure who she could trust at the moment. When she got the results back, she sat at her desk and felt lost for the first time in a very, very long time.

The Medusa virus was roaming the streets, albeit in an as yet non-lethal form. Lady was now either a member of Cadmus or the DEO. Maggie had a feeling the only way she was going to stop the rogue agent was with a bullet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all catch the Buffy reference?


	7. Triumph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright kids, hold on to your pants, cause this is the roller coaster I've been leading up to >:}
> 
> Jesi_Ki_Kage and jaguarspot are to blame as well

Alex sipped her beer and felt downright weird. She wasn’t looking to chug the beer for an excuse to get a new one. Her eyes weren’t drifting to the clock or her watch, counting down the time until it was polite for her to leave. Sitting with a weak beer, trash-talking Maggie and Lucy’s pool game, half an eye on Kara and the boys, didn’t feel like a waste of time and effort. The laughter wasn’t forced, her smile wasn’t for show.

The night’s raid was already planned, but Alex wasn’t jittery and eager to get to it. She knew she could handle it in about an hour. It would be best if she weren’t too drunk, so she was actually taking her time with her beer and had a glass of water on the table they had claimed. While she was planning on drinking something harder after the raid, that could wait.

Alex wondered if this was how ordinary people felt like when they hung out with those they considered friends; taking enjoyment from the here and now, not playing a game of ‘Anywhere but Here.’ She supposed it was nice, but she knew there would be no getting used to the feeling. Her life had already proven that nice things weren’t hers to keep. The experience, and later the memory, would have to suffice.

“You’re up, Danvers,” Maggie said with a head shake when Lucy sank the eight ball.

Alex slid off her seat. “I’d say it’s time to take Lane down a notch, but she can’t get much lower.”

“Honestly,” Lucy said as she grabbed the ball rack, “find new material.”

“I could just stick with kicking your ass.” Alex took the cue Maggie handed her.

Lucy scoffed. “You’ll be changing it to kissing my ass.”

And, really, was there any reason to change her tune when Alex knew what looked so well? “I can’t bend that low without breaking my back, Lane.”

Lucy glared for a moment, then smirked as she gave Alex a once over. “Then best get on your knees.”

Fortunately, Alex had expected something sexual from Lucy and didn’t miss a beat. “Not this floor, I know what’s been spilled on it.”

“Your place or mine, then?”

Alex looked over at Maggie, who was watching with hand over her mouth and her eyes filled with laughter. “Do you see how predictable she is?” Turning back to Lucy, she said, “It’s funny how you think you’d be worth going home with.”

A muffled, “oh, shit,” came from Maggie’s direction. Lucy’s jaw dropped for a moment, and Alex basked in the brief victory. Lucy finished racking the balls, never taking her eyes off Alex as her jaw twitched in annoyance. Finally, Lucy said, “Next time, Danvers, I won’t hold back.”

There was no way Alex was letting her off the hook that easily. “So what you’re saying is that your game isn’t good enough to work on the fly?”

“What I’m saying is I’m two Long Island Ice Teas too deep to convince you to eat more than your words, and I’m exhausted from running new recruits into the ground.” She smirked. “Some of us do more than fiddle with slides and microscopes when there’s no rampaging alien.”

“You, me, the obstacle course, next Tuesday.” No one had beaten Alex’s record, and she figured it was time for an update.

Lucy nodded. “You’re on.”

Maggie raised her hand. “What do I have to do to, uh, judge that competition?”

Both Alex and Lucy grinned at her. Lucy put the rack away and rolled the cue ball towards Alex. “There’s a course here in the city. Alex’s record is only set for the desert base. But. How impartial of a judge will you be?”

Maggie considered them both for a moment. “While I’m usually against bribes, in this case, it might be interesting.”

Before either of them could reply, the sound of a chair hitting the ground got their attention. They focused on the group of Tarakans on the other side of the room as their voices grew louder. Alex and Lucy switched their grips on their pool sticks, ready to break up a fight.

M’gann was on the other side of the bar counter a moment later, growling something that must have required her to change her vocal chords. The quartet of much bigger aliens stepped back from each other. M’gann pointed to the door. They filed out after putting money down for their tab. The bar resumed conversation as M’gann cleared up the table.

Alex looked back at Maggie and frowned. The look on Maggie’s face wasn’t quite “deer in the headlights,” but was negative all the same. “You okay?”

Maggie wiped the expression from her face. “Yeah. Just… Broke up a lot of bar fights as a beat cop. Those were human, and it’s just…”

“Not so alien?” Lucy offered.

Maggie nodded. She took a deep breath. “Anyway. I’m okay, honest.”

“You don’t have to be okay,” Lucy said. “We all have stressful jobs, we know some situations are less than pleasant to remember.”

“As much as I’m one to talk,” Alex said, “if you need to vent, we’re all ears. And,” she took her shot and broke the balls, “when some of us are feeling generous, we can offer the good margaritas.”

Lucy rolled her eyes. “Not every conversation needs to be had while less than sober.”

Maggie smiled at them a little. “Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.”

Alex had a feeling Maggie was about as likely to open up to anyone as she was to them. The offer was out there, though, and that was the most they could do for now. Feeling eyes on her, Alex casually glanced around as Lucy lined up her shots. All she did was blink when she saw the alien sister from Black Friday. After two weeks, Alex expected the siblings to be as far as possible from National City and any potential retaliation. What’s more, the woman was talking to Winn.

Alex refocused on the pool game. That...was probably not good. Alex didn’t think she was recognized. As long as Alex acted as if she had no idea who the alien woman was, things would be okay. No one was going to believe Alex was Lady. No one believed Alex was a lot of things.

Lucy slowly came around the table, and Alex honestly wasn’t surprised when Lucy goosed her. “Bend over, Danvers.”

Alex rolled her eyes and moved away from Lucy to take her shot. “This is harassment.”

“We’re off the clock,” Lucy said, “and you know I’ll stop if you actually tell me.”

Since Alex really didn’t mind, she said nothing and sent two stripes into separate pockets. There were worse ways to pass the time. Besides, no one else was likely going to give Alex that kind of attention and expect nothing regarding a “proper” response. Anyone else who hit on her couldn’t be trusted; she wasn’t paranoid if there were people who were out to get her.

Alex took a long swig of her beer. Maybe she would find trouble after her planned raid, after all. If letting Lucy cop a feel was going to be the height of Alex’s lesbian experience, she was going to have to find excitement and satisfaction in violence. Keeping her combat skills sharp and dealing with criminals was a better use of her time, anyway. If Maggie, someone who actually knew how to have a relationship, got dumped for being a workaholic, there was no way Alex would do any better.

When it was her turn again, Alex decided to end the game as quickly as she could. There were far more important things she should be doing.

~*~

Alex turned down an ally and hopped into a doorway, bracing herself as far in the shadows as she could. A handful of seconds later, the alien tailing her carefully entered the alley, apparently looking for Alex. When the hooded figure was just past the doorway, Alex sprung. She tackled the person to the ground and pressed a Balarize taser to the back of her stalker’s skull.

“Who sent you?” Alex demanded.

“My honor,” growled a vaguely familiar voice. “I’m the older sister of the man you saved from Mandraxx.”

Alex stood up but kept her weapon up as she let the woman stand. “Why are you following me?”

“I told you, we repay our debts.” She didn’t seem bothered by the dirt and bits of garbage on her clothing. “I’m Lyra.”

“I didn’t ask.” Alex glanced up and down the alley. “What are you hoping to accomplish? I don’t need someone following me.”

“No one does until they do.” Lyra leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. “You’re using the poison that killed every alien in the bar last month. It’s making otherwise helpful aliens uneasy. They’re more likely to turn on you than aide your efforts against even those who have wronged them.”

“Just because I use pointers in the right direction, doesn’t mean I need them.” Alex lowered her taser, knowing she could get it back in position if Lyra turned out to be one of those uneasy aliens. “You need to stop.”

Lyra gave her an unconvinced look. “As do you, but neither of us seems to be following a reasonable road.”

Alex was done here. “If you end up dead, I won’t care.” She continued on her way to the supposedly abandoned building that held human gangsters.

“I don’t expect you to.” Lyra fell into step behind her. “But you can’t carry all the money and weapons you end up with, so I guess I’m just a scavenger.”

Alex rolled her eyes and put her taser away. She was going to need something a little more intimidating for what she was about to do. A Tralaxian flash-bang should disorient everyone in a room long enough for Alex to knock everyone out. When she reached her target building, she tisked at the lack of security and climbed the fire escape to the roof. Lyra was behind her, but she said nothing.

There were pools of water on the old concrete roof, a handful of drug needles she could see, and trash from the convenient store down the street. Light seeped out of moldy, stained windows in the center of the building. Alex walked carefully, unsure if there were weak points in the roof that would give her away to the occupants.

One of the windows on the other side was busted open. Keeping to the edges, Alex peered in and took note of people, furniture, and weapons both actual and potential. Heavy bass rattled the glass and made eavesdropping impossible.

_Behold the bold soldier, control the globe slowly_

_Proceeds to blow swingin’ swords like Shinobi_

_Stomp grounds I pound footprints in solid rock_

_Wu got it locked, perfomin’ live on your hottest block_

Alex tied a rope off to the sturdiest bit of piping coming out of an old heating unit. It was a twenty-foot drop to the penthouse floor below. Her circle of the building had shown no outside guards or lookouts, and she was willing to bet there were maybe only a handful of others not on the main floor. She could stun the majority of them, drop down and find cover, then take out any reinforcements. Then it would be a matter of securing everyone before calling the cops.

Honestly, being a vigilante was a lot easier than doing things legitimately. None of the pesky law following to make sure she had a viable reason to just flash-bang a bunch of civilians.

Maggie would strangle Alex if she heard her. Oh, well, it wasn’t like that friendship was going to last long, anyway.

Alex primed four grenades. The windows would shatter with enough force. She contemplated Lyra for a moment, then handed off two. “On my mark.”

Lyra nodded and took two of the grenades. They went to opposite ends of the window bank and held their hands out.

“On three,” Alex said. “One. Two. Three.”

They squeezed the triggers and slammed the grenades through the glass. Five seconds later, the shouts of surprise at falling glass became screams of agony as the flash-bangs did their job. Alex looked through the shattered glass and started shooting bodies with Voltaren stun guns. Lyra pulled her own weapon and started shooting as well, though her aim wasn’t as good. Alex didn’t give a thought to if Lyra was killing them or not. It wasn’t on her conscious. When there were no more moving bodies, Alex grabbed the rope and slid into the penthouse. She had to shoot three people storming into the room on the way down.

Feet on the floor, Alex hurried for cover. Two more groups of people tried to deal with the problem that was her vigilante antics. After a full minute of peace, Alex left her hiding place and went to cut the music. It wasn’t bad, per se, just deafening. Lyra roped down and helped secure the two dozen gangsters. They emptied wallets as they went, even of those who were more drug users than dealers. Alex picked out two new handguns and was sorely tempted by a sawed-off shotgun that was graffitied with colorful Sharpies. It wasn’t like she needed a shotgun, and she had access to them in the DEO. The level of noise, however, would definitely add an “oh, shit” factor to her reputation.

Alas, she was safer being a stealthy attacker. The noise would only bring the cops around before she was gone. She would just have to think of a perfect reason to take one out in the field soon.

Once the floor was secure and Alex had a decent haul, she grabbed a cell phone and climbed back up the rope. Lyra followed her, her newly acquired backpack bulging with cash. Alex tucked the rope away once Lyra was on the roof, muttering that the woman shouldn’t get used to it. Lyra wisely remained silent. Once back in the alley, Alex handed off the stolen cell phone and told Lyra the address. Once the police dispatcher had that tidbit of information, Lyra smashed the phone under her boot.

“I’m going home,” Alex lied as she headed for the mouth of the ally. “Follow me, and I’ll shoot you.”

“I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, Lady,” Lyra said before jogging off in the other direction.

Alex sighed. She did not need a tag-along. Lyra would get them both killed. While that was entirely the point of her nightly excursions, Alex didn’t want to die from sheer incompetence. Outnumbered, outgunned, hell, beaten to death by someone who managed to pin her down. Those were acceptable. Having some random alien get her killed out of some kind of honor debt would be the worst way to meet her maker. The only good outcome would be death coming for her sooner.

Okay. Maybe having Lyra around would be useful, after all.

~*~

Alex looked down at her phone and raised an eyebrow at the text from Maggie.

[Am I giving your sister the details of a kidnapped victim or just a summary?]

Alex was actually impressed that Kara would reach out to Maggie for help. Kara, for all her faults, always sided with Alex when it came to disliking people. [The details are fine, but maybe no real leads, please? Hopefully, she’ll come to one of us if she finds something.]

[HA as long as you believe that, Danvers.]

Alex rolled her eyes and shot back a reply before debating on if she should have Winn track Kara’s phone for the next few hours. Kara was able to take care of herself if the danger she found was human. The chances of the threat being run-of-the-mill, however, were slim these days. Alex almost missed the nights of picking up Kara from dates that had ended badly. Then again, those dates were just a reminder of everything Alex couldn’t have. She would instead put all her training to use rescuing Kara. At least that was something productive.

Fortunately, Kara decided to abuse her access to Winn and the DEO to look into National City’s most recent missing persons.

“So there is a connection between those people on your list,” Winn said after an almost successful lie about being mugged. “They all had blood work done a few days before they disappeared.”

“Blood work?” Kara frowned. “That’s weird.”

Alex perked up at the chance of doing something outside the DEO for the day. “Want me to come with you?”

Kara shook her head. “I can handle looking into a clinic. You need to go run that obstacle course a few times before Lucy shows up.” She was gone before Alex could do more than roll her eyes.

When Alex was sure Kara was gone, she leaned on the edge of Winn’s desk. “Do we need to run you through basic hand to hand?”

Winn scoffed. “I’m never going to be able to handle myself in a fight.”

“The basics are a bit more than how and where to hit.” Alex gently tilted Winn’s head up. “You need to ice this more often.” She crossed her arms, not wanting to seem like she cared too much. She didn’t, really, Winn was just more useful when he wasn’t in pain. “You’ll learn how your body moves, how to be more aware of your surroundings.”

“I’ll think about it.” He sounded defeated enough that Alex could probably bully him into it, but she decided he was grown enough to make his own decisions.

If she wanted to die in a hail of alien bullets in a dark alley, he could choose to do the same.

Alex headed for the locker rooms. Kara’s idea wasn’t a bad one. She dug her phone out and texted the address of the clinic to Maggie. [Kara found out all the victims were here a few days before they vanished. Do you think you could swing by there in half an hour or so?]

[I’m surprised you aren’t shadowing her yourself. But, yeah, I’ll head in that direction.]

[Thanks. Kara knows what to look for when I tail her. She won’t be expecting you. Plus, hey, not a DEO case, so think of it as taking credit if something pans out?]

[I like the way you think, Danvers.]

After changing clothes and grabbing a water bottle, Alex headed down to the obstacle course. She walked around it, getting an idea of what to expect. Nothing about it was out of her league. Doing the course would be a cakewalk; doing it faster than Lucy was going to be the challenge. Lucy was quick when she wanted to prove a point.

Alex’s phone started ringing in the middle of her second run. By the time she crossed the room to answer it, there was only a missed call from Maggie. Before Alex could call her back, a text popped up.

[Get here now]

Alex tapped her comm unit and ran for the doors. “Winn, ping Kara and Sawyer’s phone. Now!”

“On it.” He made a noise and stuttered. “I can’t find them?”

Alex cursed and switched her comm over to her team’s channel. “Gear up.” Once she got permission from J’onn to roll out, she told Winn to pull everything he could on the clinic and get as many camera angles as possible.

Mon-El’s name popped up on her phone.

“This better be a matter of life or death.” Her tac gear was not easy to yank on when she was sweaty.

“Kara and Detective Sawyer went through a trans-mat portal!”

Alex felt a bit of a thrill knowing Mon-El hadn’t been given the privilege of Maggie’s first name. “What is it and what does it do?”

“It can transport people between planets.”

Alex halted. “Are you telling me they aren’t on Earth?”

He hesitated. “Y-yes?”

Alex slammed her locker shut. “Do not move. We’ll be there in twenty.” She didn’t give him a chance to reply before hanging up. Mon-El could be difficult, but he wouldn’t risk her wrath.

Driving wasn’t Alex’s job, so she was able to sit shotgun and have a mental panic attack. Her sister had charged through some alien portal onto another planet. Maggie had hauled ass right after her out of responsibility to look after Kara, not knowing she was Supergirl. And if Alex’s lack of luck ran its course, there would be no yellow sun on whatever planet they ended up on. They were going to end up dead or worse, and Alex would’ve failed at the one thing she absolutely could not get wrong.

The SUV screeched to a halt in front of the clinic. Varga knew better than to obey traffic laws when it came to getting to Kara. Alex was the first out of the car and first into the building. She barely waited for her team to join her before clearing rooms. When they reached Mon-El, he was standing over two humans with their arms tied with their jacket sleeves.

Alex went straight to the pile of clothes. They belonged to her sister. Meaning Kara was now known to Maggie as Supergirl.

“That whole setup looks like a Stargate,” Winn said over the comms, awe in his voice.

Alex motioned Baxter’s scope camera at the control panel. “Does this tell you where they went?”

“It’ll take me a bit to figure out what it uses for coordinates,” Winn said, “but I’m already on it.”

Alex looked over at Mon-El. “Do you have any idea where they went?”

Mon-El shook his head. “No. When the doctor turned into an alien, he just ran through, and they went after him.”

“Do you know how to make it work?” Alex needed to catch up to her sister and Maggie before anything else could go wrong.

He nodded and headed towards the control stand.

“You are not going through that portal until we know what’s on the other side, Agent Danvers.” J’onn’s voice was firm and loud enough through the comms to make Mon-El pause. “And if ANY of you let Agent Danvers go through that portal without my permission, there will be consequences.”

Alex grimaced. On the one hand, her team was loyal enough to disobey the Director. On the other hand, J’onn knew this and prevented her from using it to her advantage.

Winn’s snicker filtered through the comms. “He’s got you there, Alex.”

“Shut up and find the other end of this thing, Schott.” She huffed and decided to investigate the computers and filing cabinets. She assigned tasks to her teammates and told them to not to touch anything that would send them into another dimension.

Half an hour later, J’onn and Winn had arrived with back-up. Alex wasn’t ignorant to the fact they had given no updates as to where the transmat portal ended up. There was no way they would show up on-site unless they had an excellent reason to be on hand.

“So what’s on the other side?” Alex asked when everyone was grouped together.

“This portal leads to Maaldoria,” J’onn said, sounding far too grim for Alex’s liking.

Mon-El’s jaw dropped. “The galaxy’s slave trading hub?”

J’onn continued talking before Alex can demand more information. “Maaldoria orbits Arcturus, a red sun.”

“Kara doesn’t have her powers.” The panic in Alex’s chest didn’t make it to her throat, but it was a close thing.

J’onn decided to make things worse. “And I can’t go through with you. The atmosphere of Maaldoria is toxic to Martians.”

Winn held out a tablet. “This should open the trans-mat on the other side.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, well, keep it. You’re coming with me.”

Winn looked between her and J’onn. “No, um, yeah, this is, it’s pre-programmed. Uh, so you just hit the button, and you’re thinking with portals, right? You don’t need me.”

“Yeah, no. I want your hands at the controls.” Alex trusted no one else to wait and put Kara’s life over their own.

“No, no.”

“Agent Schott,” J’onn said, “she wasn’t asking you. That’s an order.”

“I’m sorry.” He turned and walked off.

Alex sighed and headed after him. She didn’t have time to pep talk him, not really. “Winn.”

He turned around and could barely look at her. “I’m not gonna be of any help to you out there” He motioned to himself. “I mean….”

Alex held his gaze, knowing she would have to peer-pressure him into going through the portal.

“Okay fine.” He caved and pointed to his eye. “This, I wasn’t mugged.”

Alex nodded. “I know.”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course you do. All right, I was trying to help Guardian, and I… If he had shown up two seconds later, I….”

Alex knew PTSD when she saw it, she had to keep an eye out for it in her team. “Hey, Kara needs you.” Unfortunately for Winn’s trauma, there was no time to deal with it. “Okay? I need you.”

“I’m scared.” His throat almost closed on the word. He was definitely getting sent to psyche for his “mugging.”

“You don’t think I was afraid the first time I went out in the field? Dude, I was terrified.” She shrugged. “But nobody gets better by running away.”

He took a deep breath. “Anyone else….”

Alex clapped him on the shoulder. “Gear up.” She headed back towards J’onn but paused when she heard her comm click over to a new channel.

“Danvers.” Lucy’s voice wasn’t at all casual. “With your shield, or on it.”

Alex wanted to joke, wanted to roll her eyes and say something sarcastic. But Lucy broke radio protocol because she gave a damn, and Alex wasn’t going to throw that in her face. Alex may not care about much of anything, but she wouldn’t berate those who still had hope. “Yes, ma’am.”

The comm clicked back over to her team’s. Alex knew there was nothing else to say between them.

When they walked through the portal, Alex thought she would feel something. There was a moment of static along her skin. She supposed it was better that there was no jarring or disconcerting feeling. The mere thought of crossing a massive amount of space was horrifying enough.

“I’m in outer-space,” Winn said behind her.

Alex turned around and pointed to the portal. “And if you don’t wanna stay in outer-space forever, then figure out how to dial us home. I’m tracking Kara’s earpiece. Make sure this thing is open by the time we come back.”

“Wait. Wait. Come back?”

“You’ll be fine.” Alex jogged away from him and caught up with Harris. She tapped her on the shoulder and motioned Harris to take a position out of sight of Winn. Harris nodded once and grabbed her usually buddy before ducking away. Honestly, it was against procedure to leave the exit guarded by one non-combatant.

Alex led her team to the one building they could see. The lack of guards between the trans-mat and their destination made Alex very uneasy; either the aliens involved didn’t need to care, or they already knew the DEO was there. She looked down at the handheld device she was using to hone in on Kara. So far, Kara hadn’t moved. Alex could only hope the same rang true for Maggie. It was entirely possible Maggie and Kara were separated. Ships were coming and going from the building ahead, and J’onn had said Maaldoria was home to slave traders.

Kara and Maggie were strong, but neither had aliens try to break them for hours on end. The DEO didn’t put agents through torture resistance training, but there were other ways to push people to a limit and then demand more of them. Alex ignored the echo of a White Martian’s laugh in the back of her head. She was lucky Astra never had time to do more than taunt her after the Hellgrammite stabbed her in the leg.

The well-worn path led to a set of locked doors. Alex set herself to be the first one in as Varga set up the explosives. Baxter tugged her back behind him.

Alex glared at the back of his head. “What the hell, man?”

“She who doesn’t wear a helmet does not get to go through the recently destabilized door first, ma’am.” He was smiling, and Alex damn well knew it. Baxter was all about following her lead when it came to getting shit done, but he never gave an inch when it came to personal protective gear.

Alex didn’t have time to reply. She covered her ears right before the doors were turned into chunks of stone and a cloud of dust. Baxter took point, and Alex waited for them to clear the immediate area before coming up the center. For a few moments, her worries about Kara and Maggie were forgotten as she tangled with a lizard alien. When it came to combat, Alex could hyper-focus like she did on nothing else.

Then her hands found the alien’s sidearm. “Oh, I got dibs!”

“Whatever,” Griff said as he picked up one of the blue energy rifles. “I want one of these.”

Hart coughed the word, “Compensating." Griff flipped her off.

Alex took point and slowly led her team to the bigger hallway on the opposite side of the room. There were smaller hallways off to the sides, but it made far more sense to have the bigger walkway to move groups of people. Before they could reach it, pounding steps echoed into the room. She motioned for her team to stop and aim at the circular doorway.

Kara’s red and blue suit was a relief to see. “You found us?”

Alex wrapped her sister in a quick hug. “Always.”

Maggie brought up the rear of the group, alien energy rifle in hand. “Hey, Danvers. I bet you’re gonna claim jurisdiction even though you’re late to the party?”

Alex squeezed Maggie’s shoulder and gave her a quick once-over, but didn’t see any apparent injuries. “Nah, you can have it. That way CatCo can write an article about it.”

Maggie rolled her eyes.

Alien shouts echoed down the various halls. Alex took point and said, “We’ve gotta hurry up. Winn’s waiting for us.”

“Wait,” Kara said as the DEO agents herded the civilians into the center of the group. “You brought Winn to space?”

“Please tell me you left someone to guard him,” Maggie said as they started to jog.

Alex grinned over at her. “Not any that he knows of.”

Maggie snorted, and Kara shook her head. They all put on a burst of speed when they heard gunshots from up ahead. Alex demanded a status through the comms.

“We’re clear here,” Harris replied, relaxed and calm.

When they reached the portal, there was an alien body near where Winn was bringing the trans-mat back on. Harris and Young had bracketed him, both women unsurprised by how quick the rescue had gone. The portal lit up, and the civilians didn’t hesitate to run through it, followed by Alex’s team.

Alex was about to send Maggie and Winn through when an energy weapon went off behind her. She and Maggie aimed, only to see one alien drop from behind some rocks and another lowering an obviously stolen energy rifle.

“Jo help carbon forms,” the helpful alien said, making Alex wonder what kind of form he considered himself. “Carbon forms get Jo off planet forever?”

“Yes, yes.” Kara waved at the portal. “Carbon forms agree. Just go.”

He seemed to be in no rush, nodding and greeting Alex before walking on through.

A low thump that sounded dangerously like a weapon powering up made them look up at the night sky.

“That is a big spaceship,” Kara said. “Winn, go.”

He was through the transmat a moment later.

“Supergirl! Help!”

Kara took off to where one of the civilians was being hauled away by an alien. “Izzy!”

“No! Wait!” Maggie moved to head after Kara, but Alex stopped her.

Pulling out the grenade J’onn had given her, Alex said, “Let’s hope this thing works.” She triggered and tossed the grenade before turning herself and Maggie away from the blast of light.

When they looked back, Kara was floating in the air under her own power, almost glowing with remnants of sunlight.

“What was that?” Maggie asked.

“A yellow sun grenade,” Alex said, unable to help her smile at seeing Kara flying and hearing Maggie’s awe. “A little taste of home.”

“I reiterate,” Maggie said as Kara blasted the ship out of the sky with laser-vision. “You guys are fun.”

Alex gave her an exasperated look and decided she didn’t want to encourage Maggie by replying.

Kara’s glowing-eyed glare was all it took for the slaver to free Izzy. The two women ran for the portal and went through, quickly followed by Maggie.

Alex paused, alien gun in hand. If she shot the control device, she would be trapped on Maaldoria. She wouldn’t have to go home and pretend she wasn’t an alcoholic with a death wish. There was no backup, no way home. Alex could go back into that building and see how many slaves she could free before being killed. She might even be able to find a way to just blow-up the whole building.

Then again, if she were caught instead of killed, that would be a fate worse than death. Alex wouldn’t say a word if tortured, but there were other ways aliens could get into her mind. With a sigh, Alex stepped through the portal. There were better ways to guarantee death.

~*~

Alex had just put her feet up when there was a knock at the door. She groaned and debated ignoring whoever was outside. Chances were, however, it was Maggie looking to talk a little more privately. Once they had gotten back to the DEO, Maggie had been whisked away by HR to deal with the paperwork of knowing Supergirl’s identity, as well as a few more thorough medical tests due to being on another planet. There hadn’t been any time for Alex to make sure Maggie wasn’t going to end their friendship over such a secret.

When she checked the peephole, Maggie was standing there with beer and pizza. She let her in and headed right back to the couch. Maggie sat at the other end and left the food on the coffee table.

“So,” Maggie said. “How much did it suck growing up with a kid stronger than you?”

Alex huffed out a bitter laugh. “Before or after she broke my arm while learning to control her strength?”

Maggie winced. “Yeah, that sucks.” She opened two beers by locking the caps together. “I’m not mad, by the way.”

Alex shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

“No, I get it.” Maggie sipped her beer. “There’s a difference between the organization that can disappear either of us, while your sister who is only one person.”

“I mean, the DEO would disappear you if you tried to reveal Kara, too.” Alex decided that despite the rocky start to the relationship between Supergirl and the DEO, she was glad it remained strong. Kara was going to need a support system once Alex got herself killed.

Maggie was quiet for a few moments. “You both realize that I was likely to find out, right? Working together like this, asking me to watch Kara’s back…”

“I’m not surprised this happened,” Alex said. “I am surprised you went through a portal to who knows where, though.”

“I figured if that was where the kidnapped people were, that’s where I needed to be. “

There was another knock on the door, and Alex frowned as she got up. She wasn’t expecting anyone else to show up. Kara was able to fly in through the window now that Maggie was in the know. Looking through the peephole, all she saw were manicured nails holding a bottle of fantastic scotch.

Lucy gave her an unimpressed look as Alex yanked the door open and yanked the bottle out of her hand. “You have a problem, Danvers,” she said as she followed Alex inside and closed the door. “Hey, Sawyer. Oh, good, you brought food.”

“Not as good as your scotch,” Maggie said, “but I came by to make sure everything was still good now that I’m in on this particular secret.”

“The only reason I didn’t bring food was so I could order something with vegetables in it.” Lucy took the glass of alcohol handed to her. “Thanks.”

Alex nodded and handed another glass to Maggie before sitting back at the long end of the couch. “If I could stay off my feet for the rest of the night, that would be awesome, thanks.”

Lucy sat down in the empty space between Alex and Maggie. “How are you holding up, Alex? And don’t bullshit me, I was there when Kara went off to deal with Myriad alone.”

Alex sipped at the scotch. “She had Maggie with her, this time.” The alcohol settled in her stomach and the warmth seeped into her limbs. “Kara’s gotten smarter about not having her powers.”

“To an extent,” Maggie muttered.

Lucy turned her attention to the woman on her other side, knowing she had to give the scotch some time to work it’s tongue loosening magic. “And you? On an alien planet, in the hands of slave traders, with no sure way out of it? That’s nothing a police department trains for.”

“Your therapy skills are shit, Lane,” Alex said.

“Well, neither of you are going to talk to Psyche, so that leaves drunken exhaustion to get your thoughts out of your head.” Lucy ran a hand through her hair. “You know what? I’ll give you both this: I was frustrated. I would rather be out in the field than having to play "sit and wait" safe on base. Not knowing if any of you would come back was terrifying.”

Alex tilted her head back and closed her eyes, a tiny smile on her face. “J’onn wouldn’t have been able to stop you from being the second wave. He would have had to let you go or risk you taking over the DEO completely.”

Lucy got up to get some plates, giving the other two time to get their thoughts in order. When she came back, she put a slice on each plate and handed them out.

Maggie took a bite and swallowed before speaking. “It wasn’t fun to look up and see a red sky with far too many moons in orbit. When I went and stepped into an ankle trap, things got progressively worse.”

Alex sat up and was moving to look at Maggie’s legs. “Did you-”

“I’m fine, Danvers, chill.” She still tucked her ankle under her. “It wasn’t like a rusty bear trap. It just wrapped around my ankle. Maiming a potential slave to the point of uselessness isn’t on their game plan, I think.”

Alex settled back down and contemplated what would happen if she just told them she had a death wish. Nothing good, likely. Either they would roll their eyes, or they would put her on suicide watch. J’onn had been polite so far, but if he was given a reason to look? Well, she would find herself with rookie-level clearance once he learned everything she had been doing in her free time. “I was worried we would only have time to save one of you. I told myself it was stupid to hope you both were being kept in the same place.”

Lucy considered Alex for a moment. “You would’ve sent the first one you found back to the portal with half or all the team and gone looking for the other.”

Alex shrugged. “Neither one is more or less important than the other.”

“Bullshit, Danvers,” Maggie said. “We all know Supergirl, Kara, is-”

Alex sat up and almost dropped her dishes on the table. “No, Sawyer. Shut up and listen to me ‘cause I HATE repeating myself.” She locked eyes with Maggie. “You and Kara are both necessary for the roles you’re in. Kara can handle a lot of the shit we humans can’t; she can take a bullet, hold up a building, and come out the winner against an alien that can roast us with flammable snot. Which, impressive, yes. But you? You look into all the events that pass under both the DEO and Supergirl’s radar. You spend months looking to stop fight rings, building relationships with civilians to the point they willingly share information with law enforcement, and you have a sense of justice that gets lost in the DEO. National City was doing just fine without Supergirl, with you wearing a badge and me rounding up Fort Rozz escapees. If Kara hadn’t…” She swallowed, the flames of the plane’s engine fire dancing behind her eyes. “If Kara hadn’t become Supergirl, we would still be doing our jobs. That makes you important. Understood?”

Maggie nodded, suddenly interested in her pizza. “Got it, Danvers. Thanks.”

Alex focused on Lucy, who looked way too perceptive for Alex’s comfort. “Do you need to be remin-”

“I know my worth, Alex,” Lucy said, settling back and taking a bite of pizza.

“Good.” Alex grabbed her food and curled up in the corner of the couch.

“Which is, by the way, more than pizza, so keep that in mind for next time, Sawyer.” Lucy winked at Maggie, who rolled her eyes.

“I bet you’re a pillow princess, too,” Maggie teased.

Lucy glared. “You did not just imply I’m lazy in bed.”

Maggie grinned. “There’s nothing you can do to prove me otherwise, Miss I’m-Worth-More-Than-Pizza.”

The glare became a smirk. “Nothing, you say?”

Alex cleared her throat. “Not on my couch, you two.”

“Your bed, then?” Lucy said. “Preferably with you in it. I can make following orders fun, Agent.”

Alex was infinitely pleased she was prepared for Lucy’s innuendo; it made suppressing her reaction easy. All she had to do was remind herself that Lucy didn’t mean it, and never would. “Will you just help me finish this pizza and leave so we can all get some sleep? Not even you have enough energy to make good on any of your threats of a good time.”

Lucy conceded the point. She also took the scotch when she and Maggie left, saying she didn’t want Alex to waste it. Alex was mildly offended. She never wasted alcohol; it all served the purpose of silencing her brain so she could sleep. Sleep was important. In fact, she was going to do it as soon as her teeth were brushed. Lady Luck had let Alex get off a slave trading planet intact and with everyone they had gone to save. There was no reason to go asking for more favors from the bitch.

~*~

Alex almost slammed Lyra’s face into a wall when the alien appeared from around a corner.

Lyra took a careful step back when she saw Alex’s hands twitch. “You cannot be out tonight.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “What makes tonight different?” She continued on her way to the houses she planned on burning to the ground.

“You’re going to take on the Zaneeth here,” Lyra said. “You want to get them out of the city before they hurt any more children.”

“This is a personal favor.”

Johnny had managed to get a message to her, asking for her help. His kid sister, after winning the state spelling bee, had her best friend go missing. Johnny and his buddies had done their own investigation when the cops decided a pretty high school senior from a lousy neighborhood had gotten sucked into the wrong crowd. The boys had found evidence of the Zaneeth. He knew his small street gang couldn’t take them on, and so asked Lady to do her worst.

“They know you’ll show up,” Lyra said. “They know you’re coming. They’re going to kill you.”

Alex shrugged. “What makes you think I don’t want exactly that?”

Lyra froze in her tracks, stunned. Then she hurried to catch up. “You can do nothing from a grave!”

“That’s exactly it!” Alex glared at Lyra. “I’m not doing this out of the goodness of my heart, you said it yourself when we met.”

“Then why be so successful?! Why are you bothering to fight back? You could’ve let yourself be killed a dozen times in the past two weeks!”

Alex didn’t reply. If Lyra couldn’t come up with the answer, then she wasn’t ready for it. Lyra wasn’t so naive as to be blind to the idea of dying in a fight for her life.

Lyra slowed as they got closer to the darkened dead end. “They’re going to kill you. I don’t want to die.”

“I never wanted you here, anyway.” Alex passed under the last operating street light. She tugged her burn phone out of her pocket and tossed it at Lyra. "If anyone comes after you for warning me, call the first name on the list."

Alex left Lyra standing just outside the pool of light. She wrapped one hand around her Icoid blaster, feeling her first stolen weapon was appropriate for her last raid. Her other hand clenched the Bravatrixian flamethrower. The plan was clear a house, set it on fire, then move to the next.

Alex knew it was too late in the night for any victims to still be alive.

Setting her blaster to kill, she ran up the first porch, kicked the door in, and opened fire.

*

Maggie frowned at the unknown number calling her informant phone. She answered it, wondering which of her contacts were sharing the information. “What’s going on?”

“If this is Detective Sawyer,” a young male voice whispered, “then you need to get to the Gregor Street dead end.”

Maggie bolted out of her kitchen chair. Gregor Street and the surrounding area was always in flux with who was in power. “What’s happening?”

“It’s Lady.”

The call ended. Maggie cursed and slammed her door shut behind her, stuffing her gun into the back of her pants. She dialed Alex’s number. It rang, then went to voicemail. Maggie felt her stomach twist. She was tempted to call Lucy or Kara, to see what was going on with the DEO. Alex always picked up her calls unless she was too busy shooting something.

Getting in her car, Maggie instead called her partner. “Sheppard, got a tip. Gregor Street. Get SWAT geared up.”

“For the love of God, Mags, wait fo-”

She hung up. There was no time. She knew there was no time left.

*

Alex could feel and hear a couple ribs crack as she was kicked through the back door of the third house. She landed in the dirt on her shoulders, momentum rolling her body over her head. Landing on her stomach knocked the wind out of her lungs.

From the side of her eye, she saw the fire jump to the third house.

The Zaneeth stomped into the yard after her. Built like a scaley walrus with legs, Zaneeth shook the ground when they put effort into the movement. Alex rolled out of the way of a foot coming down on her head. Dust blinded her and added to her suffocation. She was hauled up by her throat.

“You are too old to taste any good,” the Zaneeth rumbled. “But we will leave the remains of your body to serve as a warning.”

Tears cleared Alex’s eyes enough for her to aim a kick. He let go of her neck to clutch at his bleeding eyes. Alex’s legs almost crumpled when she hit the ground. Breathing against the pain, she shoved her shoulder through the rotting wooden fence to the fourth yard.

A dozen Zaneeth looked at her, having been evacuating to the overgrown lot behind the houses.

Alex felt bile crawl up her throat.

The group charged her.

She yanked the ripcord on her backpack. The Medusa virus spewed from the nozzles rimming her pack. She rolled under the first swinging fist and fought the spots edging her eyes. She was backhanded into the porch. The ground shook as the Zaneeth started to drop.

Alex pushed herself to her feet. She could move. She could still escape. The fire would spread. Most of the Zaneeth were down for the count.

Her chest hurt. Her throat felt like it was ready to collapse. She slipped between the fourth and last house, tripping through debris and knee-high bushes. When she emerged, her heart stuttered.

More Zaneeth were in the street.

*

“Incoming call.” The computer voice knocked away the sense of peace that had settled over Lucy. “Alexandra.”

Lucy frowned and slowed her speed just a little. Alex knew Lucy was taking her weekly late night ride up the coast and back. The open air did wonders for Lucy’s mood after being underground all week. “Answer.” When the call clicked on, she said, “What’s up, Danvers?”

“Get to the Gregor Street dead end, now.”

That wasn’t Alex’s voice. It was, however, a very frantic, accented woman’s voice.

Lucy sped up. “Who is this? What side of town am I heading for?”

“Hunter’s Terrace, right before the city opens to the highway.”

How convenient.

“Why isn’t Alex speaking?” Lucy gunned her bike and passed an RV.

“She can’t.” She coughed. “I called the first name on the list.”

“Stay on the line,” Lucy ordered.

“I have to put the mask back on. Just get here.”

The call ended. Lucy cursed. She ordered Siri to lay a course for Gregor Street. Twelve minutes. Alex better be alive, or Lucy was going to kill her.

*

Lyra was shooting from the shadows of a rooftop across the street.

One of the Zaneeth saw Alex and roared, pointing at her.

Alex moved on autopilot, training overriding fear. She tossed two regular grenades, one flash-bang, and aimed at the skulls of those on the outskirts of the blasts.

A Zaneeth erupted from the fifth house and landed in front of her. He grabbed her arm and yanked, tossing her to his buddies. Alex flew through the air and didn’t have time to ball up. Her hip hit the shoulder of one of the aliens. Sharp pain lanced down her leg and up her stomach.

She hit the ground on her shoulder, dislocating it. Looking up for Lyra, she locked eyes. “Run!”

The last two grenades would render all aliens within a fifty-foot radius crippled for life. Lyra bolted.

Alex pulled the pin on a Medusa bomb. She barely rolled it away from her before it went off.

Roars of pain echoed through the houses.

Alex closed her eyes. Favor repaid. She had taken out a good chunk of child traffickers while she was at it. Didn’t save any of their victims, but preventing more would have to do.

The pain took over. With a sigh of relief, Alex let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please yell at me? validate my evilness?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual thanks to the usual betas. working two jobs means it'll likely be another month before the next chapter.

Maggie’s car was the sole one to be found for the last half mile of Gregor Street. Either none of the residents had a car, or those who did were fleeing the flames and fighting at the end of the road. Maggie screeched to a halt in front of the first burning house. She didn’t dare have on her lights or sirens in a neighborhood only entered by suicidal cops. 

Dozens of bodies lay in the street. 

Memory after memory flashed in her mind. Lady. Medusa. Countless aliens left to be found if they were found at all. Ten crime scenes in the last two weeks, all of them with Medusa in common.

She stepped closer to the nearest body, gun out. Her emotions warred at the sight of the Zaneeth. They were known child smugglers. They took one or two kids a month, and never from where law enforcement cared about. Maggie didn’t want to believe the rumors told of them and their victims. But, if it was true…

Medusa was a light punishment.

“Detective Sawyer!” The female voice wasn’t the one that called her, but it was frantic and knew her title and name.

Maggie ran towards the alien peering out from behind the last house across from the burning buildings. By the time Maggie got there, the alien was gone. In the shadows at her feet was was a hooded, ski-masked figure. Maggie felt her blood run cold. “Lady.”

Maggie knew there were more important matters than removing the mask of the woman she wanted to bust more than Guardian. She had to call in the situation, get ahold of Alex or Lucy, find out what the fuck was keeping Kara from a fire on the verge of destroying half a neighborhood if left unchecked. But if Lady was Cadmus, then Maggie was going to have another fight on her hands before SWAT showed up. Maggie needed to know every bit of identifying information. If Lady were DEO, then Lucy and Alex would keep the agent’s identity a secret.

Either way, a ski mask wasn’t allowing valuable air into Lady’s lungs.

Maggie knelt and eased the hood up a little, then dug under the stiff collar for the edge of the mask. She lifted carefully, not wanting to drag the fabric over any hidden bruises or injuries.

She sat back on her heels.

“Fuck.”

*

Lucy parked her bike next to Maggie’s Charger and felt her heart in her throat. She ripped off her helmet and lifted her gun. “Sawyer! Danvers!”

Four houses were burning, a last was about to catch fire, bodies littered the street, Alex had found a shit ton of trouble without Kara and dragged Maggie with her-

“Lane!” Maggie was at the end of the road, behind the side of a house.

Lucy ran over, knowing something was horribly wrong by the devastated and confused look on Maggie’s face. “Where’s Alex?”

“You knew,” Maggie muttered. “Of course you knew.”

“Knew wha-” Lucy froze when she looked down. “Are you fucking kidding me, Danvers?!” She put her gun away with one hand, running her other hand through her hair. “Where the fuck is Kara?” Lucy growled and yanked her phone out of pocket. 

Maggie started to pace. “You need to get her out of here before SWAT gets here.”

“Thank God one of you knows what back-up is,” Lucy muttered as her phone rang. “You’re the one with the car, let’s load-”

“I can’t look at her right now,” Maggie snapped, her back to them both.

Lucy cursed when her call to Kara went to voicemail. “What the hell, Sawyer?”

“She’s been using Medusa!” Maggie pointed at the mess beyond the shadows of the house. “Alex has been leaving dozens of aliens sufferi-”

“They’re criminals! And before you say it, yes, they deserve due process, but we really don’t have time for this.” Lucy called J’onn. He, fortunately, picked up after two rings. “I need to know where the fuck Kara is.”

“Livewire escaped,” J’onn said. “Supergirl’s gone to check on Cat Grant.”

“Tell her Alex might actually be dy-”

The sound of a dozen pissed off aliens filled the air. 

“Do NOT come here, J’onn,” Lucy said as she pulled her gun. “Medusa’s been weaponized.” She hung up as she took cover opposite Maggie’s position. “Can you get to your car if I cover you?”

Maggie took two shots, dropping the lead Zeneeth. “I can try.”

“Do not make me drag your body,” Lucy ordered.

*

Maggie raced for her car as Lucy’s aim rang true. The Zeneeth were emerging from the sides of the raging fire, having returned from their retreat into the empty lot minutes before. Medusa must have still been in the air because some were already rubbing at their eyes. Alex sure didn’t half-ass her work. 

Maggie counted the gunshots instead of the bodies. She counted down how many bullets she had left before Lucy had to improvise. Once in her car, she gunned it and jumped the curb to avoid the bodies. Five of the Zeneeth charged when Maggie halted in front of Lucy.

“I’ll cover you!” Maggie yelled as she threw her door open. She took the headshots, knowing it was too late for anything else. Not for the first time, she was grateful her partner was a former sharpshooter; every stupid gun range competition between them was paying off.

But even she was running out of bullets.

*

Lucy had already evaluated the risk of moving Alex before grabbing her under the arms and hauling her to the Charger. There was a chance Lucy was making Alex’s injuries worse. Staying, however, wasn’t an option. 

A massive engine revved up the street. Lucy glanced over as she yanked the back door open. The sight of an armored SWAT truck barreling over to them made her pause. Officers poured out before the vehicle stopped. The sounds of their rapid firing eased the panic high in Lucy’s chest. 

Maggie came around and helped her haul Alex into the backseat. Lucy cursed under her breath, noticing the stiffness of the armor Alex had developed over a month ago. The sound of gunfire ceased when they closed the door.

“Sawyer!” called one of the officers.

“We’re good, Reynolds!” Maggie called back. She barely looked at Lucy. “Get her out of here before they realize who’s in my car.”

“Like hell will I giving you a reason to avoid this.” Lucy stood next to the passenger door and crossed her arms to hide her shaking hands. “So either drive or arrest her.”

“She needs medical attention,” Maggie hissed, getting in Lucy’s face. “None of us have time for your mind games.”

Lucy shrugged, hoping her voice remained steady. “Might be too late for Alex at this point.”

Maggie’s face twisted as if Lucy had physically stabbed her. “I hate you.” But she headed around the car for the driver’s side.

“You won’t be the only one before the night is over,” Lucy said. She sighed and got into the car.

“I need to get this vic to the DEO,” Maggie told the SWAT leader. “We don’t have time to wait for a bus.” She slammed her door closed and threw the car into gear. If Alex didn’t die, Maggie might well kill her.

~*~

Everything was fuzzy; brain, eyes, and mouth. Alex preferred the fuzzy feeling over the pain it was masking. Wait. Pain. Fuzziness. She wasn’t supposed to be feeling anything at all.

The beeping caught her attention, then the antiseptic smell. Tears dripped down the sides of her temples. No. This wasn’t what she wanted. 

Medical. Or a hospital, at the very least. And if she was drugged, her injuries had been treated. Which meant she was going to live. That was the last thing she wanted.

Trying to choke back the sob made her chest ache with her cracked ribs and heartache. She was going to have to live another day, and now she was known as Lady. There would be hell to pay. Kara and Maggie's yelling was inevitable, as was Lucy and J’onn's disappointment. And, God, her mother…

Alex shifted to rub her eyes. Only, her hands didn’t get very far.

Cuffed.

Alex was secured to the gurney. 

Either she was seen as a threat or J’onn had picked up on her more desperate thoughts. (She refused to think an enemy had her.) She was doomed no matter what. There was no escaping. Stuck here, she would have to answer for her crimes. Everyone would want to “fix” her, make her better.

Funny how there was nothing wrong without killing aliens until she did it off leash.

Frustrated tears trailed down her temples. The pressure around her throat cracked, letting out a miserable sound. 

“Alex?”

Oh, look, spectators to her breakdown.

Lucy’s fingers laced with her own. “You’re at the DEO, Danvers. They had to secure you because you thrashed too much during nightmares.” Her free hand started to work the soft cuff loose.

“It’s been three days,” Maggie said from Alex’s other side, also loosening a cuff. “Congratulations, you breathed in enough Medusa to poison yourself.”

“Sawyer.” Lucy’s order of silence was implied, but Alex knew it would go unheeded. Maggie’s lines about vigilantes and alien justice were clear; Alex had crossed all of them, multiple times.

Rubbing her eyes, Alex wanted to pass out again. She was in one of the secured recovery rooms. There was no exit if her subdermal tracker got too close to the door. Agents under questionable mental statuses were placed here. Meaning she was no longer trusted to stay put. Fair enough. 

Lucy and Maggie were watching her expectantly. Alex didn’t want to do this. Her emotions went into hiding in the presence of others. Pushing herself up, she ignored the way her muscles shook from injury and disuse. There was a jug of water next to her bed. Before she could forego the cup, however, Lucy was pouring it for her. 

“Do not fuck up your shoulder more than it already is,” Lucy said as she handed over the water.

Alex shrugged. The water was cold and felt amazing all the way down to her stomach. Once the water was gone, she cleared her throat and tried to ask, “How did you find me?”

“Stop talking,” Lucy ordered, reaching for a tablet on the chair behind her. Alex noted the jacket, mess hall tray, and fiction book that told her Lucy had been in the chair for a while.

Alex opened the standard text to speech app on the tablet. She wasn’t the first DEO agent to lose their voice, and she wouldn’t be the last. [How did you find me?] The automated voice helped maintain Alex’s outward calm.

“We both got phone calls,” Maggie said, sharp and quick.

Alex rolled her eyes, ignoring how the movement made her dizzy. [Just get it out already, Sawyer.] She saw Lucy brace for impact and wondered just how many time Maggie had ranted in the past few days.

Maggie didn’t hesitate. “The fuck were you thinking going into Hunter’s Terrace with no back-up?!”

That… wasn’t the rant Alex was expecting. Her confusion must have been apparent because Maggie was quick to elaborate.

“I’m pissed about Lady, but you aren’t the first to fake a friendship for vigilante stupidity. God, though, you’ll be the last person I trust with shop talk.”

Alex almost felt sorry about that. But, she didn't care enough about Maggie to feel any kind of guilt. 

“I’ve barely been here a year,” Lucy said, “and _I_ know Hunter’s Terrace is a suicide run.”

Alex shrugged. [I knew what I was getting into.] 

“So you willingly went into a place known to kill every member of law enforcement, from street cop to F.B.I., in the last thirty years?” Detective Sawyer seemed to have replaced whoever Alex thought was “Maggie.”

[Why don’t you just ask J’onn? I don’t believe for a moment he hasn’t looked into my head.]

“Because not only does J’onn respect people,” Lucy said, “he’s keeping your sister on task while she deals with Livewire’s escape.”

Alex felt a twinge of something like guilt again. She was supposed to look out for her adult, neigh on indestructible sister, after all. But Alex had warned Kara not to risk being a superhero. It wasn’t as if Alex could stop her without using Kryptonite.

A corner of her mind whispered an idea of Kryptonite laced food. Alex let that dark corner fade away. It was too late. Kara would just recover and be Supergirl again.

“So I’m asking _you_  why you went there,” Maggie repeated, arms crossed over her chest. 

Alex didn’t know why she was asking, neither of them could accept the answer they already stated for themselves. [Someone asked me to deal with them. Someone who lost a kid and was ignored by everyone supposedly enforcing the law.] Alex locked eyes with Maggie as she typed. [So I went and did the job no one else would.]

Maggie, who prided herself on dealing with aliens on a level no one else wanted to, clenched her teeth. This wasn’t an argument she could win without pointing out that while the Science Division had the manpower, no one dared.

Unfortunately for Alex, Lucy was better than Maggie at sidelining her emotions.

“Then why didn’t you bring it up, Danvers?” Lucy asked, damn near conversational. “The DEO has more than enough resources to have gone through with a raid. Yes,” she glanced at Maggie, “aliens would have died, but maybe not as many. And you wouldn’t be here, Danvers, in need of a month of PT and under the threat of being tossed into a cell in the desert and left to rot.”

Stupid lawyer.

Alex decided she was done with the conversation. There was no point to it, anyway. Glaring back at Maggie, she typed, [You obviously don’t want to be here. Keep yelling or leave.] Alex felt a pang in her chest when hurt flashed through Maggie’s eyes. Alex ignored it and looked at Lucy. [What’s done is done. I apparently don’t care about being a proper agent. You can just go, too.]

Lucy turned on her heel and headed back for the chair. “You have to be monitored twenty-four seven.” She picked up her book and sank back into the chair. “Your team is out watching Kara’s six and I’m not letting some defenseless agent deal with your current level of assholery.”

For the briefest of moments, Maggie looked like she would leave. Alex ignored the way her chest grew heavy at the thought. Maggie said nothing, just headed for her own chair. She picked up a laptop from the floor and refocused on it. 

Alex looked down at the tablet. The conversation was recorded word for word, to be saved to her digital file. Such was the nature of being in the DEO. As much as Alex wanted to just type to instigate them, she didn’t want their attention. Tossing the tablet aside, Alex laid down and refused to acknowledge the way her stomach twisted in hunger. She was too tired to care. Food would make nothing better. All that remained was to accept whatever punishment J’onn and Lucy handed down. There were no compelling arguments for her to make. 

Alex’s career as a DEO agent, as a viable meat shield for Kara, was over. There was nothing left for her to do. 

All Alex felt was relief.


	9. Inspiration Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter, Jenny by Nothing More, is one of the main theme songs behind this fic.
> 
> All the thanks to the betas C:

Kara watched her sister twitch in her sleep. The nightmares weren’t so bad anymore now that Alex wasn’t so deep in her own mind. Kara wondered how things had gotten this far, this bad. Some of Lady’s activities had been late Sister and Game Nights. The idea that Alex went out after midnight, sometimes after drinking, made Kara’s stomach twist. Alex would’ve been exhausted, drunk, or both.

And Kara had seen none of it happening. Sure, Kara wasn’t the most observant of sisters; after all, Alex hid two years of working for the DEO. But this couldn’t have been the first time Alex was hurt. Kara liked to think she paid that much attention to her sister, at least. Apparently not.

Kara didn’t want to think about how Alex was just better at hiding, at making everyone believe everything was okay. Nothing was okay, nothing would be for a while.

No superpower in the world was going to fix this.

The elevator down the hall dinged, and Kara recognized Lucy and Maggie’s quiet voices. With a sigh, Kara left Alex’s phone and earbuds on the bedside table. Once out in the hall, Kara greeted the coffee wielding duo with a small smile.

“Did she sleep through the night?” Lucy asked.

Kara nodded. “Only two nightmares, neither of them bad. Anything you two need me to fly to the base or precinct?”

Maggie patted her bag. “Switched out what I needed for the day before coming here.”

“I’ll send Vas a message,” Lucy said, looking thoughtful, “tell her to get some stuff packed up.”

Kara nodded, more than willing to be a delivery girl if it meant Alex wasn’t alone. “Thank you both for being here with her, for her. It can’t be easy for either of you.” Kara still didn’t have her emotions in order; Alex only targeted criminals, yes, but the way she did so made Kara’s stomach churn.

Maggie sighed. “I’m still pissed, but I’m also still her friend.”

“Which we need to make that more obvious,” Lucy said. She sipped her coffee. “Have you been able to speak to her?”

“No.” Kara shrugged. “I don’t know what to say yet.” Or if she should say anything at all. “I can hear her waking up. I’m going to get her some food. Want anything?”

They requested whatever easy to peel fruit was available, having eaten before they arrived. Kara headed off and hoped Alex didn’t make either of them cry today.

*

Lucy watched Kara place the tray on the bedside table before taking her sister’s hand and squeezing. Alex didn’t respond, either not quite awake or feigning sleep. Kara handed off oranges to Lucy and Maggie before heading into CatCo. Lucy knew Kara wanted to stay with Alex, but her job didn’t allow it. Lucy and Maggie were piecing together Lady/Alex’s timeline of events for both their departments and could do so from Alex’s bedside.

It wasn’t more than five minutes before Alex reacted to the smell of food. Her fingers twitched around her phone, but she ignored it in favor of breakfast. Lucy put the tablet by Alex’s hip but didn’t say anything. ‘Good morning’ would get no response and Lucy knew better than to engage in any higher level of conversation with a Danvers before breakfast.

Lucy’s phone beeped, and she looked at the incoming text. It said it was from Alex, but Lucy knew it had to be a forwarded spare phone. “Whoever you had watching your six is worried about you,” Lucy said. “They text every day asking if you’re okay.”

Alex glanced at her own phone but didn’t react otherwise.

“I’m almost jealous you trusted someone else over us,” Maggie said from the other side of the bed.

Alex rolled her eyes and tugged the tablet onto her lap. [I didn’t trust her. Worst shadow ever.]

“She probably saved your life,” Lucy pointed out.

Alex’s fingers hovered over the illuminated keypad for a moment. She decided against whatever her vocal chords would’ve replied with and went back to eating.

“You realize whoever is willing to text every day will escalate to calling before finding one of us, right?” Maggie asked. “She stuck around long enough to make sure I found you. She’s not going away.”

Alex shrugged, one shoulder stiffer and slower than the other.

Lucy knew any further conversation would have to wait until they could catch Alex off guard. It was a shitty move, but Alex was too walled off to get anything but an initial reaction from her.

Alex finished her food and lay back down. Her fingers tangled with the earbud wires but she didn’t use them.

“Vas will be monitoring that,” Lucy warned, barely looking up from her reports.

Alex huffed but did nothing else. Lucy let the conversation drop. Alex was stubborn, sure; but Lucy had already seen Alex’s poker face once. This time around, Alex was just protecting herself. If there was one thing Alex Danvers sucked at, it was keeping herself safe. Lucy only had to wait for Alex to give up. Seeing as how it had already happened four days ago, Lucy’s knew it wouldn’t be long before she had all the answers she couldn’t face without Alex’s confirmation.

*

Alex woke up to the smell of food invading her nose. Her stomach roared and her mouth watered. There was no denying how hungry she was. She had a feeling that if she didn’t eat, a feeding tube was in her future. Rousing, Alex wasn’t at all surprised to find J’onn standing at the foot of the bed with a tray of food. Maggie and Lucy were both gone, likely sent home. Kara still wasn’t around, but Alex figured Kara was going to avoid her for a while.

Pushing herself up, Alex still felt sluggish, and the ache of relocated limbs was noticeable. She eyed the tray of food J’onn passed over. It wasn’t mess hall food; stew, fresh fruit, and pudding. The mess hall never had pudding. Alex set the tray of food down and dug in. If J’onn wanted her to talk, he would’ve handed her the tablet on the chair.

“You are suspended indefinitely,” J’onn said. “When you’re cleared to leave medical you will be confined to base with limited access to anything beyond the barracks. Your lab and apartment are being searched and investigated.”

Alex wanted to protest that last one, but it wasn’t like anything exciting or salacious would be found. Her life was her work. Her friends were involved with her work. Her family, such as it was, were her work. They’d find the lead box, sure. There were a handful of items beside the Lady gear, but nothing out of the ordinary for a DEO agent. A new identity, go bag, things essential to escaping her life and starting a new one.

Back when she considered restarting life to be the better, more accessible option. Back when all she would’ve had to flee were vengeful Fort Rozz escapees.

“When this investigation is over, your position within this organization will be reevaluated.” He turned and left, the door securing behind him.

Alex noted the lack of familiarity and even the use of her “agent” title. She supposed she was lucky the brig wasn’t her destination. Maybe she could go back to just plain lab work. Perhaps she would be considered less of a risk if she didn’t deal with aliens.

Alex stuck her earbuds in and put her music on shuffle. The first song settled in her chest and made her relax almost completely.

_A little sleep, a little slumber_   
_A little folding of the hands_   
_Left you weak, left you hungry_   
_When there's supply you still demand_

Maybe J’onn would make her go back to her roots. He had recruited her for her mind and medical degree. Becoming a field agent had been half accident, half necessity. She had been caught unawares while on a scene helping process unknown biological material when they were attacked. Having no combat training meant Alex had been almost useless until after the shooting had stopped. Learning the basics turned into becoming a field agent.

_You're beginning to drag the ones you love down_   
_Will this phase ever end?_   
_A thousand arms to hold you_   
_But you won't reach for any hands_

Training to protect herself and her team had turned into learning how to kill. Now she was considered a threat. She wondered if this was her escape from the DEO entirely. If she was allowed to walk away, Alex didn’t need to keep in touch with anyone. She had nothing in common with the people she spent her free time with beyond the job that brought them together. She had entered the DEO to look after Kara, who didn’t need Alex’s protection anymore.

_‘Cause I don't feel like I'm getting through to you_   
_Let me paint this clear, life is short, my dear_   
_See your mother here, her last painful year_   
_I wish you only knew_   
_She stuck around for you_

There was nothing but her responsibility to Kara keeping Alex in National City. She had spilled blood in every neighborhood. While there was no going back to Midvale, there were other cities and towns along the coast. She could walk away from everyone’s expectations and live her life by her own rules. Alex remembered her teenage dream of being a professional surfer before her mother planned for the next Doctor Danvers. Picking up her surfboard and challenging too big waves while climbing a professional scoreboard would the ultimate “fuck you” to everyone who shunned the doctor/soldier/sister they created.

_Maybe you should just fall_   
_Leave the world and lose it all_   
_And if that's what you need_   
_To finally see_   
_I'll be with you through it all_

After finishing the tray of food, Alex shoved it on the side table and lay back down. Lucy had said a month of physical therapy. Surfing ran the risk of hurting, and wipeouts could do more permanent damage. Hell, there were sharks and the risk of bleeding out. It still sounded better than getting her face ripped off by an alien no human could hope to defeat.

_Bring on the pills, roll that dollar bill_   
_Medicating will never heal_   
_Relapse, rehab, repeat_   
_Always thinking about the me, me, me_

Not that any of it was going to happen. Lucy was right. Alex was destined to rot in a cell for her crimes. Occasionally Alex would get hauled out to deal with some level of lab problem, maybe, but never would they arm her again. There was a chance the late night on Gregor Street was the last time she would see the sky again.

_Self-destruct, spiral down_   
_Until your want becomes your need_   
_Please get up like I know you can_   
_Or forever love the fall_

With her stomach full and her body’s aches echoing deeper into her bone, Alex let her music lull her back into unconsciousness.

_Maybe you should just fall_   
_Leave the world and lose it all_   
_And if that's what you need_   
_To finally see_   
_I'll be with you through it all_

 


	10. Alone in a Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my beta readers jaguarspot and Jesi_Ki_Kage are most awesome

Alex had her voice back eight days after Gregor Street, five days after she woke up. In all honesty, she hadn’t been trying to speak again. It was late at night; Kara was working on an article, and Alex was listening to her music. The doctor had told Alex to avoid pushing her vocal chords, but Alex could still lip sing, even hum if she did it softly enough.

Alex really liked her music, and she was exhausted and unable to sleep. Combined with her newly open contrary behavior meant she was trying to sing. Alex didn’t care that Kara was there. Kara knew precisely what she was listening to and had heard Alex sing hundreds of times. If Kara didn’t like it, she could leave.

_“I've been away, a little while_   
_Sometimes I just can't help myself_   
_When my mind's running wild_   
_I seem to lose grip on reality_   
_And I try to disregard the crazy things_   
_The voices tell me to do but it's no use_   
_I tried to own it, write songs about it_   
_Believe me, I tried, in the end I needed to breathe_   
_Find inspiration, some kind of purpose_   
_To take a second to face the shit that makes me, me.”_

Alex’s voice cracked and cut out, and her throat wasn’t comfortable. But it wasn’t painful. Not yet, and she didn’t think she would stop even once she was hurting.

_“All I needed was the last thing I wanted_   
_To sit alone in a room and say it all out loud_   
_Every moment, every second, every trespass_   
_Every awful thing, every broken dream_   
_A couple years back and forth with myself in a cage_   
_Banging my head against the wall, tryna put words on a page_   
_All I needed was the last thing I wanted_   
_To be alone in a room, alone in a room.”_

Kara was watching her. Kara was listening, and Alex worked her way through the rest of the song even when her voice was more gone than there near the end. When the next song came on, Alex went silent. Kara passed her a glass of water. Alex drank it because Kara had gotten into the habit of just holding it there to out-stubborn Alex. After falling asleep to Kara still holding the cup, then waking to Lucy having assumed the duty, Alex just drank the damn water. It wasn’t like she was going to be allowed to get dehydrated, anyway.

Alex was half startled two songs later when Kara put her laptop on Alex’s legs. It was open to a blank document on a guest account. Next came Kara’s notebook and two pens. Alex tugged out an earbud and pushed herself up. “Wha-”

“Write down everything you won’t tell me, can’t tell us,” Kara said, wrapping one hand with Alex’s. “We can print it out and burn it, or make a dozen copies so you don’t have to actually talk to anyone. I just… I love you, Alex. Maybe I’m about as good as Eliza at showing it, but I love you, okay?”

Alex didn’t have a chance to reply. Kara kissed her forehead and left. A moment later, Alex’s phone chimed.

[Let me know when you want ice cream.]

Alex blinked. She looked at the offering to share everything or nothing. Taking a deep breath, she adjusted the bed, choose a new playlist, and started to type.

~

“Are internal affairs investigators in a black ops site better or worse than ones in the military or police department?” Maggie asked Lucy as they followed J’onn up to a conference room.

“Considering I was brought in to investigate the DEO the last time there was an official IA investigation,” Lucy said, “I wouldn’t actually know.” She kept her face neutral when J’onn glanced back at them, but only just.

“Official?” Maggie asked. “How many unofficial ones have there been since your’s?”

Lucy raised her hand and ticked off one finger. “The time Alex and Winn tricked a suspected mole into delivering kryptonite.” She raised another finger. “The time-”

“Now is not the time, Director, Detective,” J’onn said as he motioned them into the room.

“Of course, Director,” Lucy said, keeping the sarcasm to a minimal. She didn’t want to give too horrible a first impression to the IA investigator.

The man sitting at the table watched them take their own seats in silence. He wore a suit, but he didn’t look like much of an asshole. There were a few folders in front of him, marked with only letters on the tab. Lucy approved of the discretion even if it offered her no hints.

“This is Agent Zhao,” J’onn said. “He’s from our New York base and has no familiarity with the parties involved.” He went through the introductions, saying Lucy was dealing with the DEO’s side of the investigation and Maggie collaborating with what the NCPD had on file. “Due to the identity of Supergirl being a secret,” J’onn told the IA agent, “we’ve had to keep this among those aware of it.”

Zhao nodded and didn’t protest their presence. “Will Supergirl be joining us?”

Lucy shook her head. “She can listen in if she wishes. But she’s decided her own involvement with the guilty agent would make her defensive.” Actually, Lucy had told Kara that was -why- Kara could eavesdrop but wouldn’t be allowed in the room. Lucy knew the Danvers sisters could have their hands around each other’s throats, but the moment someone attacked one, the other would quickly defend her sister. Kara had conceded the point and hadn’t been willing to leave Alex’s side.

An hour later, Lucy had a headache. Everything the investigator said made sense. They were all fortunate no other agent had ever gotten it into their head and used DEO resources as Alex had done to become a vigilante. When the agent left the room, Lucy settled her head in her hands and sighed.

Maggie reached over and rested a hand on Lucy’s shoulder. “We knew going in we weren’t going to like what he had to say.”

“The worst part is how -right- he is about everything.” Lucy rubbed at her temples. “If we didn’t know the guilty party personally, we would’ve locked them up in the desert by now.”

“But knowing Alex means we can help her,” J’onn said, gathering the folders left with him. “We can make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Lucy took a slow, deep breath and started to clear her mind of every tangent trying to take over. Keeping everything locked down meant no one outside of the five of them and Doctor Frasier knew Alex was Lady. While DEO agents knew Medusa had been weaponized as a non-lethal vapor, they had no idea it had come from within the organization. Alex’s reputation, as well as the ones of those associated with her, were in a very fragile balance. Fortunately, Agent Zhao hadn’t implied he knew they were keeping their friendship from him.

J’onn frowned and looked away. “We should go check on them.”

Lucy and Maggie traded glances before hurrying out of the room. J’onn stayed behind to make sure nothing incriminating was left on the table. Lucy wrung her hands together as they waited for the elevator to get to the right floor. Maggie reached over and slipped her fingers between Lucy’s. They were halfway down the hall to Alex’s room when Kara stepped out. She had a folder in her hands and tears on her face. After looking back at Alex, Kara joined them, staying out of sight.

“What happened?” Lucy asked as she opened up her arms.

“Well, we’re talking.” Kara accepted the hug, holding her tighter than usual. “You two weren’t lying about her attitude.”

“If she’s talking to you, she thinks you’re worth the effort,” Maggie said.

Kara pulled back and sighed, leaning against the wall. “I heard what the investigator had to say. How did we miss so much? How did -I- miss so much?”

“You can’t have yourself tuned into her twenty-four seven,” Maggie pointed out. “And she spent the last few months using all of us without our noticing.”

Kara’s fingers flexed over the folder and purposely loosened her hold. She saw their glances and looked back towards Alex’s room. “She was listening to a song last night. About writing everything down. I gave her the chance to do it.”

“Is that what the tears are about?” Lucy asked. “Or does she know about the investigation?”

Kara shook her head. “I didn’t tell her about the investigator. I want her to share what she wrote. I haven’t read it, she doesn’t want me to, not yet. We agreed on Doctor Heightmeyer.”

Lucy sucked in a breath. “That’s….gonna be fun.”

“DEO psych?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah,” Lucy said. “The one Alex has been working with since she was recruited.” If Lucy had looked into Alex’s lengthy DEO file after their escape from Cadmus, well, no one would blame her.

“Is Heightmeyer a bad one?” Maggie asked.

“The exact opposite, actually,” Kara said. “There are two years of Alex’s life here I have no idea about. Heightmeyer knows things none of us do.”

“So it’s probably a bad time for us to go in there, huh?” Lucy asked, looking down the hall.

Kara bit her lip. “I think it’s best if you stay even when she’s at her worst. I want to, but I’ve been here since last night as it is.”

“Go take some time to yourself,” Maggie said. “We’ll make sure she hydrates.”

“She’s not fighting that anymore.” Kara looked both elated and relieved to share that bit of news. “Thank you.”

They had barely pushed the door open when they heard it. A very strained, creaky, exhausted, “Go ‘way.”

“Those would be the first words you say to us in over a week,” Lucy said as she took her usual seat, picking up her book.

“We’re seeing you through this.” Maggie sat and plugged her phone in.

Alex pulled the blanket over her head. “Don’ wanna.”

“Maybe not,” Lucy agreed. “But sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucy's last line is from "Amazing" by Aerosmith


	11. Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized lines Alex quotes are from the song "Ghost" by Badflower. It is amazing and y'all should listen to it. Yes, I know it's not the punk rock this fic started with XD  
> Kate is not DC Kate, but from Stargate. I needed a name, and I know that one XD

Alex opened her eyes when she heard a knock on the door. No one knocked. They all entered her medically induced prison like she should appreciate they were there with her. Doctor Kate Heightmeyer stood on the other side of the glass, a small binder in one arm and her free hand flipping her thumb up and down. If Alex was well and truly honest with herself, she **liked** Kate. The psychologist had been one of the new ones brought in by J’onn when he started his slow, careful adjustments to the DEO. When Alex had become a field agent, she had been run through three other psychologists before Kate had yanked Alex’s attitude into some semblance of cooperative.

Alex gave the doctor two thumbs up, much to the surprise of Lucy and Maggie. Kate grinned, looking determined, and opened the door. Alex was a bit worried about the brain thrashing she was about to experience. Kate wouldn’t let Alex hide or deflect or ignore anything.

“Alright, ladies,” Kate said as she put the binder on the foot of Alex’s bed. “I require some time with Agent Danvers, and you both need some fresh air and food that hasn’t been made in the mess hall.”

Lucy and Maggie both looked at Alex, silently asking if she was okay with this arrangement. Considering they never asked if she was okay with anything else they did, Alex just rolled her eyes and waved them off. Lucy and Maggie stowed their stuff and hauled it out with them. The moment they were out of sight, Alex could feel her shoulders loosen and relax.

“Voice or tablet?” Kate asked as she moved one of the chairs closer to Alex’s bed.

Alex carefully crossed her legs and sat up, moving closer to the binder. “Voice.”

Kate smirked. “You sound a lot stronger than I was expecting.”

“I’ve been singing,” Alex said, shrugging a little. “Kara has been...supportive of how I express myself that way.”

Kate tapped the binder. “She literally flew your papers to me. I’ve spent the last two days doing my best to understand. I gotta say, Alex, as much as it’s an insult to the last three decades of my career, I’m impressed by how much you’ve managed to bullshit in our sessions.”

“My life has depended on no one ever realizing I’m hiding something since I was in high school.” Alex opened up the binder. Post-It’s covered with Kate’s scrawl were plastered over the words Alex had typed in a near frenzy. “But I think I’ve been the most...open, with you.”

Kate hummed. She leaned forward and rested her arms on the bed, looking up at Alex. “So. What’s up?” A long time ago, Kate had learned the more relaxed her demeanor, the more other’s relaxed around her.

Alex considered Kate for a long minute. In the past, Kate had actually helped Alex deal with a lot of things; the first time she killed an alien, the first time she had been injured in the field, when someone under her command had been hurt, when Kara had started wearing a cape. Talking with Kate had always made her feel better. Alex had just stopped seeing Kate unless ordered. There had been no point after Alex learned how to lie to her. And maybe, if Alex pulled away from the person who saw into her head more than the actual telepath, it wouldn’t hurt Kate so much when Alex permanently lost a fight to one of the many superior aliens Alex fought on a daily basis.

Taking a deep breath, Alex tried to keep her body from bracing for impact. Kate had read everything and still showed up. Kate had called bullshit on Alex in the past but never said Alex’s thoughts and emotions were wrong. Scrubbing a hand over her face, Alex tried to find the words.

Kate motioned to the phone in Alex’s hands. “If you think there’s a song that could help, I’m all ears.”

Alex started scrolling but didn’t play the one that caught her eye. “For the longest time, _all I really wanted was for someone to give a fuck_ _about ME_. Just a little. Not what I could do for them, not what I could accomplish if I really tried, but about what I wanted to do, about what I wanted to accomplish. _I waited for years for someone and nobody even_ …”

“It’s always been about how your life could serve Kara’s.” There was no sympathy in her eyes. Kate didn’t understand, either, but she was listening.

“High school was all about teaching Kara to be as normal as possible and supporting her interests. I went to college so I could take over my parent’s work.” Alex looked at the callouses on her hands. “Joining the DEO was to make sure Kara wouldn’t have to deal with all the criminals her mother sent to Fort Rozz.”

“And Lady?” Kate asked, casually, not careful or quiet, not giving Alex the chance to stop the conversation.

“Lady….” Alex shrugged, knowing they were both aware of the reasons behind Lady. “My suicide attempt.”

“How?”

Alex looked back up at Kate. “You’re supposed to ask ‘why.’”

“We both know ‘why,’ Alex.” Kate leaned back. “You wore armor, carried weapons to fit the situation, and made a universal toxin into something non-lethal. So. How did you want to die?”

“Without any chance of someone, of Kara, being able to save me." Quick, if not quite painless, so she wouldn't have time to be afraid. "In some dark alley far from everyone who thinks they know me, bleeding out too fast to realize I don’t have to fight anymore.” Alex flipped to the next page of the binder. “ _This life is overwhelming, and I’m ready for the next one_.”

Kate nodded and moved closer, writing something on a blank page of the binder. She allowed Alex to see it, as she allowed Alex to see everything. It was a way for Kate to be as transparent about her thoughts as Alex was supposed to be about her own. If Alex wanted to contest one of Kate’s interpretations or plans, she was allowed. “Since I hate being stereotypical, I won’t suggest suicide watch.” She considered the two armchairs. “Though I suspect they have been doing just that.”

Alex shook her head. “ _Maybe I’m alive because I didn’t really wanna die_.” She snorted. “You know, the day I woke up, they both asked me why I was in a place that’s killed every member of law enforcement who’s stepped there.”

“People don’t like acknowledging how much they don’t know,” Kate pointed out. “They wanted you to deny their suspicions, which I know you didn’t do.”

“I didn’t outright admit it, either, but, no, I didn’t prove them wrong.” Alex took the green pen from the top of the binder and let the ink flow over the paper. “I don’t know how to talk to them. I don’t know if it’ll help.”

“Though she is the root of a lot of things for you, Kara is probably the only one I’m going to recommend as a must.” She drew a tic-tac-toe board in a corner. “The Directors can read my report, as can the Detective if she’s allowed access to it for the sake of the NCPD’s investigation into your Lady activities.”

Alex put an ‘x’ in the corner of the board. “Don’t they deserve to hear something from me? If there’s anyone in my life I can call my friends, it’s them.”

“You don’t owe anyone a thing.” Kate shrugged, adding an ‘o’ besides Alex’s ‘x.’ “Hell, I don’t owe you anything, either, never mind it’s kind of my profession. Friendship isn’t about what someone deserves from you, or what you deserve from someone else. Friends… they’re in your life because they chose it. Alex, you can choose to do whatever you want. Will it have repercussions? Yes. You do the hard sciences, you know actions have reactions.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “I’m kinda bound for a permanent brig cell once medical clears me.”

“Ha.” Kate took the last space in the tic-tac-toe board, where no one won. “If there’s one person who can break out of D.E.O. custody, it’s Agent “the fuck did you do now?!” Danvers.”

“That is **not** what people call me,” Alex said, smirking at the nickname.

“No, that’s what I call you in my head, along with a few other exasperated phrases.” She slipped two blank pieces of paper from the back of the binder and handed one over before starting to fold the other. “Seriously, Alex, I thought we were doing okay. I’m questioning the last four years and both loving and hating it. I’m **learning**  something, which is new and terrifying.”

“Welcome to the D.E.O.,” Alex snarked, folding a paper plane. “ _Nothing very special ever happens in our lives_.”

“How bored we would be if that were true.” She made another note. “So. Alex Danvers. If Gregor Street is your reset button, what’s next?”

Alex frowned and looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“You flatlined. You died. Mission accomplished.” She added flowers to her paper box. “We both know J’onn isn’t going to stick you in a hole, no matter what the law demands. What are you going to do with your life now?”

Alex shrugged. “Do what I do best? Kill aliens?”

“No,” Kate shook her head, holding Alex’s eyes. “The one thing I’m officially doing in my professional capacity is removing you from the field. You have the highest success rate in the D.E.O. since you’ve started leading a team, but **this**  is where it’s landed you. As of today, if I have to choose a hill to die on, it’s this one. Continue with the D.E.O. if you wish, but it’s no longer your job to throw yourself in front of your bulletproof sister.”

Alex could feel her jaw drop. Her first instinct was to argue. She couldn’t trust anyone with Kara’s safety. There was no one else who would go above and beyond for Kara. Except, that was the point, wasn’t it? Alex was so used to putting Kara’s life before her own when Kara didn’t need that much of a sacrifice. Teams had proven their willingness to fight alongside Kara, to provide a distraction while Kara caught her breath and pushed herself back up. But no one took a hit for Kara because Kara didn’t need that. Kara needed support and guidance, but not a shield.

Alex remembered how she thought of becoming a professional surfer, remembered her thoughts of pissing off everyone by walking away from all of this. Kate couldn’t possibly be right, that J’onn would let Alex walk. But… J’onn was allowing this much, which was already out of the ordinary. Any other agent who had pulled the kind of shit Alex had over the last few months would have zero human contact outside medical and internal investigations. There would be no phones, no computers, no casual and unmonitored therapy sessions. Alex was already being treated so differently.

So. What would she do once the official paperwork was done?

“I…” Alex glanced down, then back up. “I’ll think about it.”

Kate smiled. “You do that. And if you need me, I swear on my mocha lattes, if you don’t call-”

“I will.” Alex found the next words came easily, truthfully. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This fic is now on hiatus. I need to write my happy place for a bit, which means Power Rangers. I want to get back into Green Ranger Maggie, I need to get my mind out of the darkness of this fic. I WILL finish this, our 3 faves WILL get together. I just...can't haul Alex out of this right now. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me and this story so far.


End file.
